Always: A Hunger Games Fanfiction

Chapter 133

Katniss

Peeta holds onto my hand throughout the entire car ride to the site of the new memorial. It's as if he's hanging on to me as tightly as he can, just to be sure that he won't lose me. No matter how many times I tell him that he won't, he doesn't seem to accept it. There's always the fear of losing me embedded deep into his mind. I suppose once you've gotten to a certain amount of people who have been taken away from you, the fear of losing more people begins to become a habit. It's one of the many scars the Capitol has left upon us as a reminder of who we once were. 

I can vaguely see the memorial in the distance. With every passing mile we sit here in this luxurious Capitol car, the deeper my fear becomes. Today Peeta, Haymitch, Annie, Beetee, Johanna, and I are supposed to stand before this structure that's supposed to serve as a reminder of the horror that were The Hunger Games. I have been given the duty of cutting the silk rope that serves as a barrier in front of the wall that is carved with the names of dead children in the place where one of the arenas once stood. There is a seperate wall, one that will contain the name of my sister. Annie has been given the job of cutting the rope in front of it. I'm supposed to stand beside her, to help her if she just can't bear it. But why have I been labeled the one who can handle it? I'm just as broken as Annie. I think that yesterday confirms that. 

Before we arrive at the site, though, our driver drops us off at a seperate building where we are all supposed to meet to go over the speeches and have the final touches done to our makeup. I'm not completely sure why we have to be made over for the event. We'll be on camera, but it's not an interview. 

When I walk through the doors, the rest of the victors are already there with their stylists. I've been given Effie as my stylist, which I don't particularly mind but I would have rather had Angell, though I understand why she's absent. Cinna's name has been carved into that wall as well. 

"Hello my dear!" Effie says to me when I sit down in the chair in front of the mirror that has been reserved for me. 

"Hello, Effie." She begins right away, smearing makeup across my face. When I'm done, I see that she has managed to keep me looking like myself. I'm not particularly surprised as Effie looks more and more like her true self everyday. She wears far less makeup and she has let her naturally blond hair grow long. The outfits have gotten less outrageous as well, though they do tend to contain an abundance of skirts the color of pink. 

"Are you ready for your speech Katniss?" she asks as she curls the final locks of my hair. 

"I'm not making a speech."

"But you must! It is the memorial after all." 

"I don't want to. You know I'm awful at things like that," I say. 

"You're being ridiculous. Here, I made cards for you to read," she says, handing me a small stack of cards that smell strongly of perfume. 

"No. I don't want them. I'm not making a speech," I scowl, tossing the cards aside. I stand, brushing a lock of hair away from my face. She sighs angrily and picks up the cards. 

"Why don't you just stop being so stubborn and give a short speech for all of the people who lost their lives?"

"How would you know anything about the people who were killed? You don't understand and you never will," I grumble. My outburst must have been loud because only seconds later Haymitch and Peeta walk over to the room Effie and I stand in. 

"What's going on?" Haymitch sighs. 

"Katniss refuses to give a speech for the memorial today," Effie says.