Always: A Hunger Games Fanfiction

Chapter 70

Peeta

I watch her leave, out the back door and into the woods. Haymitch agreed to go with her. And Katniss let him come because he's not her favorite person. But I know she thinks of Haymitch as an uncle, maybe even a father. That's what confuses me. Why did she let him come with her, but not me? I guess that's how I know how much she loves me. And that's what makes me feel guilty. It's like I don't love her enough because I let her go. I let her go out to risk her life. And I know if she dies, it will be my fault for not stopping her.

After I can't see Haymitch and Katniss anymore, I turn on my heel. She asked me to stall for her. She said to tell them that she got the flu and is now lying in bed, sick. I sit down in a chair and watch the Games. It's almost over. Just a little while left to go. There are only seven tributes left. One of Katniss' just died. I only have Ty left, I think. The others all have two now.

I close my eyes to try and block out the world around me. I try to find peace in this moment. I try to find a little bit of sanity inside me. Katniss is the only thing I have left and I don't know where she is. She could be killed at any moment. If someone saw her, she'd be dead, Snow's soldier or not. I shift uncomfortably, suddenly sick to my stomach just thinking about her glossy gray eyes and cold skin, her mouth hanging hauntingly open. I place my head in my head to try to get the image out of my head. "Peeta?" I turn to see Delly Cartwright standing in the doorway. I stand, pretending to be strong and brave. It's an act I do for everyone now. Everyone except Katniss. I don't need to act for her. Delly wraps her arms around me and I step back, surprised. Then I get it through my mind that she's just being friendly and I hug back. She knows I love Katniss. The whole world does.

"How are you?" she asks, a smile on her face.

"Not bad," I lie, putting on a fake smile. She takes and deep breath and looks around at our surroundings. This is probably her first visit to the glamorous Capitol. "You?"

"I'm great. I've been working all over Panem to rebuild the Districts. It's great meeting new people," she says. Delly has such a kind heart. When I was younger, my brothers used to say that she would be a good girlfriend for me. There was also a rumor that she had a crush on me, but I never actually did anything. I had my eyes on a certain dark-haired, gray-eyed Seam girl.

"So what are you doing here?" I ask.

"They asked me to come. Said you started to get bad flashbacks again."

"They come and go," I say quietly, embarrassed. She nods and plays with her hair.

"It was wonderful seeing you, Peeta. Where's Katniss?" she asks. I don't want to lie. I should just tell Delly the truth.

"She has the flu. I wouldn't go see her if I were you," I say, using Katniss' lie. Delly gives me a sympathetic nod and guilt fills my heart.

"I should be going," she says and I nod in return. She smiles one more time and leaves the room. I'm left in complete silence.

_____

Katniss

I embark into the woods with Haymitch beside me. I turn once more to see Peeta sadly watching us leave. I don't have second thoughts. We both know this is what I have to do. "I know I don't deserve him," I say, interrupting the silence between Haymitch and I.

"What?" he asks, taking a swig of his 'carry-on' alcohol.

"When they announced the Quell," I pause to step over a fallen log. "You said I could live a hundred lifetimes and never deserve Peeta. I know. I don't."

"And you're just now bringing this up because. . ." I don't speak after that. I don't know why I'm bringing it up. I'm just telling him that's he's right. I don't deserve Peeta, and I never will. "Well, I stand by my statement. But I know he loves you more than anything. So I would recommend starting to show the same to him, sweetheart."