Her heart

22

"Ava, you need to wake up" I felt someone rubbing my shoulder. Billie was already fully woken up with clothes on. I'm not sure if she even slept.

"What's the time?" I asked as I took the clothes she handed me

"Four in the morning. Hurry up"

I put on the clothes and quickly went to the bathroom then back to her room, ready to go. I expected her to go to the door but instead, she was just looking at me.

For a moment, it felt like the world stopped. She was slowly coming towards me and I had no idea what to do. She let her right hand fall on my hip and the other grabbed my chin, lifting it enough for us to look into each other's eyes.

"One last time" was something I thought I heard coming from her mouth but it was so silent, I thought I dreamed it. In my delusional mind, she said something else. Something my ears couldn't process at the time.

She leaned in for a kiss, softer and warmer than the ones we usually have. She savoured it entirely, putting time into it but not too much. She made it last enough to be magical.

"Let's go" she said like the best kiss of my life didn't just happen.

We didn't talk much during the ride back, but one thing I noticed was Billie's thoughtful look but I decided not to mention anything.

When we almost got back to my place I decided to ask her"Can you leave me a couple blocks away? This car is kinda loud."

"Okay" she parked the car and stopped it far enough for the sound to be unnoticeable. What surprised me was when Billie got out of the car, opened the door for me then came with me down the street until we got in front of our house.

"Thank you for coming with me. Are you sure you'll be okay going back alone?" I took her hand in mine, feeling her cold skin

"I'll be good. Don't worry" she pulled away from the hold, making me question her actions.

"Text me when you get home. Okay?"

"Ava, I need to tell you something"

Those words hit me in the back of my head because I knew something was coming. Just by the way she was looking at me, I knew I wasn't gonna like this.

"About what?" I tried to stay calm, but the speed those words came out with did the opposite

"We can't see each other anymore"

The stinging feeling was slowly pouring down my spine, all the way to my heart. I felt the air in my lungs as it was getting out, but hardly back in. Her voice echoed for a couple seconds through my head until I was able to form a sentence

"Wa- what do you mean?" My voice almost broke mid sentence

"It's something personal. If we continue this, it won't end well because of that. I want what's best for us and-"

"No, Billie" I was now feeling the adrenaline going through my veins. Those feelings of anger came to me maybe as a defensive system created by my mind, but I wasn't realising that at the moment

"You want what's best for you and your fucked up life that nobody knows anything about. You don't tell me a damn thing about it then you come and tell me what's best. Maybe you were just using me the whole time!"

Every word was pouring out of somewhere deep in the back of my mind. Some things I didn't even realise I was holding in me.

"I think you should go, Ava. Your parents could wake up"

"So what? Are you scared now? Or is my dad another insignificant thing you don't give a shit just like you do with me?" Those were my last words before I broke. Tears run down my cheek and they were pouring faster as I was looking into her constantly cold stare

"Go, Ava"

I deeply looked into her ocean eyes one more time before I walked to my front door and unlocked it, then got inside. Looking through a window, I've seen her shadow fading away through the darkness and the distance.

Every step and every action I've made for the rest of that night felt like a dream. I only remember vivid parts of it and by the time I went to bed I wished it really was a dream. But it wasn't.

It was more of a nightmare. But usually, a nightmare wakes you up in the middle of the night then you forget almost everything the next day when you wake up.

You can pretend it never happened and you know such monsters can't get to you. But this one was real and waking up meant acknowledging the situation and the pain.

a/n: I know it's short. I couldn't come up with something longer.