The Hauntings of My Mind

Don't Worry About Me

How am I supposed to know what's really the truth
When you've gone back and forth so many fucking times
I'm done
With the pain
Losing my mind
Fuck it
Stop wasting your breath
I don't care if you cheated
I don't care if you really didn't
This just pushed me off the edge
You make me angry
Force me to become who I Trudi hard just to shove down and keep in the background
You say it does something to you that you just can't explain
Well it fucking does something to me too
I hate myself a little bit more every time it happens
With every word I say to you when I'm angry
Every word I instantly regret
They cut deep into my soul
I want the relief do bad
Just to feels the cold blade against my skin
But now I don't need it so much
All of what has happened
Cuts me the same way
Making me numb
Giving me the shock I need to breath
But I want more
I want the pain
The blood dripping down onto the floor
Damn
Paper towels just won't cut it now a days
Don't worry I haven't started yet
But I will
And at least I won't fake it
To think that I cried all night for you
To think I died thinking that you put yourself through this same pain Just because of me
I'm sorry that you thought I was really worth it
That you thought that I was perfect
Haha I'm sorry for everything
And no I'm not laughing at your pain
I'm laughing because Ive realised how much of an idiot I was to think that things would actually work
To think that I ment something to someone
Haha guess I just made another mistake
Don't you think?
Well sure you do
You made sure to tell me all the other mistakes I made
So what I'm hurt
So what I want too just disappear right now
You only see me giving up
You fucking this is easy
You think that I'm happy now
Well obviously it is
I have a smile glued to my face
I'm shaking right now like its 20 below
But why does that matter
As I laugh through clenched teeth
As I sit here blowing my ears out with my music
Just so I can't think
Haha I'm alright
Of course I am
I'm happy as can be
Just like I always am
Of course it's easy for me
Is that what you want me to say
Hope you have a nice night
You know of I sure as hell will
Hmmm wonder what my mind will torture me with tonight when I close my eyes
Oh don't worry
I'm alright
Don't you see this smile
Don't you hear me laugh
I'll get over it
Just like everything else you wanted me to just get over
Looks like I can add this to my to do list
Wonder how much tape it will take to pull myself together this time
I need a new mask
This one's old and broken
Everything just kept coming out
I'll go make another one later
Can't let anyone see how I really am
Can't trust anyone with any more of my fears
Dont worry
I'll be perfectly fine
I'm alright
I'll get over it
Just gotta keep smiling
Don't worry about me