The Hauntings of My Mind

The End

Why is the need always there
It's voice calling from its secret hiding spot
It's lust and hunger the only thing that can cure the emptiness
The only thing that come close to battling the darkness eating away at me from the inside
I feel so numb
Why am I like this
Why can't I be normal and just live my life like I should
No I have to give into your every wish
I can't take it
I want to go all the way
I should have tried harder
Let you go deeper
All the way till there is no such thing as pain
I can't breath right now
It hurts so bad
I need you
I want you
Your right there why don't I just pick you up and go crazy
I need to let it all out
It's done and over
I'm sorry
I tried to keep my promise
From a few months
To a couple weeks
Now a few days
Slowly giving in more and more
Becoming dependant just like before
Why can't I just get better
I have people whose love surrounding me
Right there ready to help
Why can't I just throw you away
Get rid of you for good
I hate myself
Weak
Pathetic
Ingrate
Stupid
Ugly
Unwanted
Hell I don't even know myself
I give up
I done
It's over
I'm sorry
I'm so sorry I couldn't be here for all of you
I'm sorry I failed
I'm sorry mom
I know you love me
I know how much you care but I just can't do this anymore
I'm sorry Liz
That I'm not the big sister you deserve
You are so strong and energetic
You've been through so much pain already just stay strong lil sis
I'm sorry Nate
That I can't be here to watch you grow up into the wonderful man you will be
I'm sorry dad
For being a worthless piece if shut daughter
For being the dyke you never wanted
I'm sorry Lindsay
You wanted an easy step daughter
All I've done is waste your money and be a pain in the ass
I'm sorry Jimmy
You didn't sign up for any of this when you married my mom
Please just keep her happy
She's been hurt so much
Your the one who helped her relearn how to love
I'm sorry Jon
Your little sis is finally free
Please stay strong
Keep your love strong
Your the closest friend I have
Just keep your head up
I love you big bro
I'm sorry Stevie
When I met you I was lost
Still wishing that the bandage on my arm and the pills i was given at med time would just disappear
That my latest attempt hadn't failed like the others
You were one of the people up there who helped me get through the time without my release
I'm sorry I couldn't be strong like you and recover, what ever that means
I'm sorry Jamenia
Your my sis from another miss
Your the one who has stayed with me through all of this
From elementary school you were one of the only ones who actually remembered my name
I'm sorry Richard
You were the first to try to love me in the way no one ever had before
I'm sorry I let things go so far
I'm sorry I was naive and thought you actually cared about me
I'm sorry I let you do those things to me then just walk away
I'm sorry Alexis
I wish I could help you but how can I help anyone when I can barely hold myself together
I'm sorry Rashid
I'm sorry for promising you everything then ruining it all with my lack of courage
I'm sorry I put everything into loving you
Only to take it all back when I got hurt and scared
I'm sorry for hiding just how bad I had hurt myself in the past
I'm sorry it was my fault you went to the hospital
I'm sorry I wasn't at the phone 24/7 so you could hear my voice
I'm sorry Alyssa
That you can't be proud of you big step sister
That I'm an embarrassment to your friend who can't tell if I'm a girl or a guy
I'm sorry Lexi
That I'm not the role model you need
That my self worth is less that what it should be