In His Name

Chapter 71 - The multiple definitions of love

Hayden isn't shy, with compliments or contact. He has always been touchier than Rosco is accustomed too. Rosco's been hugged more times since meeting the god than he had been since he'd grown too large for Lolly to pick him up. It's a large part of the reason Rosco is weird about contact, since he'd grown past the size of a toddler when people touch him, it's usually to hurt. If by chance they let him go unscathed, Yewin would fix that shortly after. Rosco desperately craves the warmth of others, but the older boy had always been careful to teach Rosco that others would use that desire against him, so Rosco refrains. He doesn't mind how unreserved Hayden is with him, if Hayden wants to use him, Rosco will just let him. He'll get to enjoy the closeness as well as the bliss of usefulness. It had been a bit strange at first, but Rosco is getting used to Hayden's brand of affection. Even the little things, like how Hayden would hold his hands when talking to him, or freely touch his hair. But there's not shy, and there's this. Hayden has Rosco straddled over his lap with his arms securely wrapped around Rosco's waist, keeping him close, nose buried in his neck. It's nice. It's very nice. Hayden is warm, and the relaxing feeling of comfort that comes with their contact is seeping into the boy from multiple points, putting him artificially at ease. But other people have seen them, in this not so normal position and Rosco is starting to feel a little overwhelmed by it all.

"Um, Hayden?" He broaches carefully, pressing ever so gently against his god's shoulders. Hayden hums that he's listening but didn't otherwise move. "Do you think maybe you could let me go now?"

His god's grip starts to loosen and then tightens again, "I would rather not," he mumbles against Rosco's skin, "It's helping."

Tansy giggles but tries to play it off as a cough.

"But," Rosco squirms, "Flynn and Barren are just right inside and they already saw. I should go explain or something, before someone misunderstands." He feels Hayden frown through the thin fabric of his shirt, immediately swallowing the sound that threatened to crawl up his throat.

"What is there to explain?"

Tansy giggles again and Rosco shoots them a quick glare.

"It's just that men don't, um, normally hold each other? I don't want anyone to think something weird is going on."

"What would be weird about holding you?" Hayden questions, pulling back to send Rosco a quizzical look. "I'm stressed and I love you, why shouldn't I hold you? Unless you're bothered by it?"

Tansy makes a choking noise, dropping to the ground to cough until they can breathe again.

Rosco's blood freezes solid in his veins even as every point of contact with his god feels so hot it might burn, "You- you l-love me?"

"Of course." Hayden tilts his head, "I have never been reserved in showing my love of humans, but has it not been clear I am especially fond of you?"

Tansy groans loudly, letting out a slew of curses Rosco doesn't need or want a translator for.

"Oh!" Rosco laughs, feeling his heart shatter in his chest. He knew Hayden cared about him and he knew it wasn't even remotely the same kind of care Rosco has for Hayden, but it hurt so deeply to hear it put into words. "Right, you meant like- Duh, what else would you have meant!" Eyes stinging with unshed tears, "Sorry it was a stupid question! I have a lot of those, it happens when you speak before thinking! If I had been using my head, I would have known better!" Sharp shards of his shattered heart cutting into the tender flesh of his lungs as he breathes. "You are just a loving god with your hugs and your head pats." keeping his strangled breaths shallow to ease the sting, "You're affectionate and there's nothing weird about that. Because you're you and I'm me and there would never be anything weird between us. So, you're right, there's nothing to explain. Because no one would think anything weird. I mean why would they? There's no room for weirdness." Letting his voice trail off before the rawness of heart break could work its way into it.