In His Name

Chapter 88 - How fast is slow?

Hayden sighs softly, moving to sit on the bed next to him just far enough away so their knees won't touch, "Rosco, I think-" Hayden pauses, pinching the bridge of his nose. For once, the god is at a loss for words. Taking a deep breath, he seems to resolve himself, dropping to his knees between Rosco's legs, threading their fingers together, "First, I need you to know you have not ruined anything." Hayden stresses, using that voice that makes his words sound like law, "I love you, Rosco. In a way I have never loved another. You have awakened a part of my heart I feared would sleep forever. This is not a proclamation I make lightly, and my love is not a fickle thing, you need not fear losing it so easily." His eyes search Rosco's face for belief or at least acceptance, but Rosco doesn't know what to say to that, or if he's supposed to say anything, and he doesn't know how to make his face show what Hayden wants to see. "You don't need to feel so embarrassed my love," His god says softly, squeezing his fingers, "I am glad you told me what you're thinking." Lifting a hand to trace the line of Rosco's cheek bone with his thumb, "Your eyes always tell me what you're feeling, but as often as you speak, you never say what is really going on in your mind. I can see what you feel, but I don't always know why. And if you don't want me reading your thoughts," the boy quickly shaking his head to say that he does not, "Then I need to hear the words from your lips." Letting a shy smile bloom on his face before turning serious again, "I would like to have a candid conversation with you," frowning slightly, "your language is a mess of vagueness and innuendo and I'd like to properly understand and be understood, But I need to know that you won't freak out and run off, do you think you can do that?"

Rosco lets his eyes wander Hayden's form, it's always weird to have to look down at him, to see him looking vulnerable. He would kinda like to run off, bury himself in his blankets and shame but humoring Hayden is in his nature so he nods, fixing his gaze on their hands still intertwined, trying to focus on how nice it feels instead of how anxious his is, "I can promise not to run off?" he counteroffers quietly.

"But you will freak out?"

"I'm already freaking out." He shrugs.

Hayden sighs again but seems to decide that's good enough because he starts talking, "When I said I wanted you, I meant that I want you as a person, not that I was propositioning you."

A second wave of embarrassment washes over Rosco, turning his stomach. Not only had he freaked out over nothing, but he'd blurted out something ridiculous, alerting Hayden to what a disgusting lecherous person he is.

"I was trying to say that I want your past, your present, your future, your likes, dislikes, hopes and fears," squeezing his fingers, "And most importantly, I want your heart- why are you cringing?"

Rosco groans, wanting to flee but he'd already promised not to, "I- well-" biting his lip, "This is you, really nicely, trying to tell me that you'll never want me like that, right?"

Hayden sighs an exasperated sound, dropping his forehead on Rosco's knee before popping back up with his cheeks dusted pink, "No Rosco, this is me trying to tell you I've never, in all of my time, felt even a sliver of sexual attraction to anyone before I'd met you, but of late I seem to be able to think of little else. I most assuredly want sexual intimacy with you. You are the single most enticing creature to me in existence. I have been beside myself trying to understand what caused this new and very out of character for me obsession and I feel a bit of a fool for not having connected my changing feeling for you to my newfound desires sooner. But you are very young, and I am incredibly inexperienced in such matters so I think it would be best for us to take things slowly, because I don't want to rush anything and hurt you because I don't know what I'm doing." Hayden isn't the most expressive person, but after spending so much time close to him, Rosco has seen a fairly wide range of emotions from the man, but gods, he's blushing right now and while Hayden is clearly trying to have a serious conversation, pretty much all of Rosco's brain cells are currently devoted to squealing over how freaking hot he is when flustered. "Rosco?" Hayden probes when the boy doesn't seem to respond in any way.