In His Name

Chapter 90 - Magic

The magic lesson takes place on a pitted patch of land, far from the house. Rosco quickly regrets making fun of Flynn and his cooling cream. The midday sun is merciless overhead and all the effort Rosco had put into looking presentable is thoroughly ruined. Rosco doesn't really think he's that much of a looker at the best of times, but no one is pretty when melting in the heat. The valley where Barren and Rosco sit facing each other is calm today. There is barely any wind, and the strength of the sun has made the insects lazy for the afternoon, so no other sounds interfere with their music. Barren sings and Rosco hums along, his eyes closed in deep concentration. Him humming along while Barren sings helps him concentrate. Magic twists and pulls around him, tugging at his heart, his mind, his gut. Tingling at his fingertips and buzzing in his soul. It feels like being on fire, like endless warmth and limitless strength pouring out of him. The power to bend and shape the world as he sees fit. Little orbs comprised of each of the main four elements circle around him slowly. Controlled, contained, and closely regulated. He hasn't had an accident in days, but the evidence of Rosco's frequent failures are all around them, marring the earth. His mistakes out here, in his training ground, have been much more volatile than any in the house. Leaving this patch of earth forever scarred with his attempts to master his magic.

His first intentional, magical success had opened the flood gates, gates that never fully shut again. It's left him more at his magic's mercy than he'd been before. For a while, when he's gotten too excited or upset or even once when he sneezed, magic would go off around him, in unexpected and occasionally harmful ways. Thankfully, so far no one has been genuinely injured, and Hayden has been fulfilling his promise to mend anything Rosco breaks. He is getting better. Slowly but surely, Rosco's practice has been paying off. Everyone's seen and commented on his vast improvement. Encouragement that only serves to dishearten him further because it always seems to focus on his potential, on what he could achieve. Barren refuses to tell Rosco how he compares to when he was learning, citing that Rosco would just use that information to belittle himself, regardless of how he is measuring up. He might be right, but Rosco is dying to know.

Because It's all so terrifying.

Rosco has never wanted power, he doesn't want to command. Rosco is a clumsy, accident-prone mess. And that was before he knew he could literally command the building blocks of the world he lives in. The responsibility is enormous and he's crumbling under the weight. He wakes up frequently from nightmares detailing all the ways his new found abilities can wreak havoc.

His humming slowly becomes more and more strained, a signal they devised to alert them all to when Rosco is getting too tired to continue. His ability to control anything slips significantly the more worn out he becomes. Hearing Rosco's stamina coming to an end, Barren sings the last song. An old lullaby from when he was a child. In time with the verses of the song, Rosco releases each of the elements. Water first, because it's the hardest for him to command, carefully dropping the orb of it back into the bowl they brought it in. Then air, the swirling ball of wind happily scattering into nothing. After air is earth. He simply lets the sphere of dirt drop, shifting it back into the ground it came from. And last is fire, the fire is never pleased to leave his side, wanting to stay with him for as long as possible, so in exchange for not running amuck, Rosco always saves the fire for last. Waiting until the final note of the song dies off before forcing the little orange light to extinguish.

His shoulders roll forward now that the ordeal is over with, internally shoving all the magic in a box and hiding it deep inside himself.

His eyes lift to see Barren smiling at him, "That was good!" the older man beams, "Longer than last time."

"Was it really?" Rosco asks, chewing at his lips. He's really not good at keep track of time so he has to take Barren on his word.

An unnatural chill sweeps through the air, "I would not lie to spare your feelings." Barren's tone holds a cold bite as an old hurt spills over into the present.

Rosco knows the anger is not for him but that doesn't stop his hands from starting to tremble, "Sorry," he whispers, eye dropping to the dirt.

"No, I didn't mean-" he hears Barren sigh, "You did well today Rosco. The older man reiterates, "but magic is about trusting, and you are still doubting, not only me but yourself." Rosco braves a peek as Barren crosses his arms, "he needs self-confidence." The older man whispers to himself, "what is something that makes you feel confident?" He asks, louder for Rosco to hear this time.

"Hayden." The boy replies instantly.

Barren groans, "No, not him!" Throwing his arms up, "Something else, something about yourself."

Rosco thinks, twisting at the ring on his thumb. His hands are still trembling slightly, for no real reason. The burn on irritation makes it hard to think. How can he be expected to find something about himself he's confident in when he's so pathetic?

While he's thinking, (mostly just getting mad) too much time has passed and he knows he needs to say something, but he hasn't come up with a better answer, "I don't know," he shrugs. He knows that's not good enough, he just needs the silence to end.

Barren slumps, "Rosco," he sounds done with him, exasperated. The tremble in Rosco's hands gets worse, adding fuel to the fire of Rosco's anger. "You need to think of-"

"I have nothing else!" the boy shouts.

Matching Rosco's volume, "You can't depend on him!" Barren yells, "The gods are flaky and indifferent! You can't build your life around him, he'll let you down. And then what Rosco? If you're nothing without him, who will you be without him?"

The ever-present doubt burns bright at Barrens accusations, mixing violently with the turbulent emotions already swimming around in Rosco's head, "I'll be you!" the boy bites back, "Hiding from everything and everyone, alone in my room!" Rosco's hands smack over his mouth, eyes wide with horror, instantly regretting everything he just said. He didn't mean it. He was just scared and frustrated and losing control. Barren takes a step back, hurt and shock written over his features, like Rosco just slapped him across the face.

"Barren, I'm so-" Rosco starts to plead.

"Don't," the older man orders, holding up a hand and turning away, "Just, don't." Rosco sees him pinch at the bridge of his nose, much like Hayden does, "I-" He sighs heavily, "I am just as much to blame for that as you were. Hayden isn't Gia, you aren't me," meeting the boy's gaze, "I am not a child, I should know better than to let my hurts prey upon your insecurities."

Rosco shrinks in on himself, chewing hard at his lip, "I'm still so sorry." Twisting painfully at his fingers, "I didn't mean- well I shouldn't have- It's not-" the words are starting to dam up in the back of his throat, but he needs to apologize-

"It is true," Barren counters quietly, "I know what my relationship did to me, and I fear what yours will do to you," Barren has a lot of size on Rosco so when the older man pulls him into a hug the grip is like iron, even if Rosco wanted out there would be no escape. But Rosco doesn't want out, he melts into Barren's arms, utterly relieved he's not angrier with him. "I worry for you, and that makes me act stupid." Barren sighs, "I resolved not to hold Hayden accountable for my wife's mistakes and I need to act like it." squeezing the boy tighter, "He loves you. We can all see that."

Rosco nods against Barren's chest, resisting the urge to voice his doubts again. Hayden does love him. He's not going to randomly abandon him. He's not. Gods he really wishes he could make himself believe it.

The older man leans away to look Rosco in the eye, "I do still want you to work on finding something that makes you feel confident outside of Hayden. Being able to rely on and find strength in your partner is great but you are a person in your own right and your magic belongs to you."

Rosco offers him a nod, what he's saying makes sense and Rosco is too physically and emotionally drained to ague anymore anyway.

"Where is he lurking anyway?" Barren asks, pushing Rosco back and scanning the tree line, "He's usually here harassing us by now."

"Still sleeping, I think," Rosco answers, twisting at his ring.

"Gia would never sleep unless I made her," the older man chuckles, his voice soft now that he's reminiscing about more pleasant times. "I think you may be in for the opposite problem. You should wake him up!" Barren grins, setting a hand on Rosco's shoulder to start guiding him back towards the house, "Can't let him sleep all the time."