Fighting Society

Hi Kiddo

Bright lights struck Jessica's eyes, deafening her sight. All she could see was the outline of someone in front of her; who, she didn't know. Her thoughts were incoherently racing around her mind as she balanced it along with everything else around her. The kids sat on the desks surrounding her; the lights so bright they challenged her sight; the noise so loud it rang in her ears. She just couldn't cope.

"Jessica? Jessica can you hear me?"

Her hands raced up to cover her ears in a bid to battle the overwhelming environment fighting against her. She scrunched her eyes up as tight as they'd go and found herself curling up into a foetal position all whilst trying to remain on the chair, and at the desk.

Jessica had never found school easy, despite her natural academic talents, the environment meant that she just couldn't channel her talents into a way to progress. Instead, she battled against the constant sensory overload, finding herself belittled, trapped or, and most commonly, in trouble. She never meant to; she just couldn't cope with what seemed like the world going against her. Usually, she found herself just about making it to the end of the school day, containing her battle against society until she was in the warmth of her sisters' arms; the safest place she could think of. It often left her tired, and drained, but meant she could just about escape the wrath she'd receive if she crumbled in school.

Today, however, was different.

~

Her sister dropped her off at school like usual, Jessica, as always, desperately seeking out the comfort of her arms. She leant her body weight against the side of the older girl side, whilst her older sister wrapped her arms around Jessica's petite body. It was their usual routine; pulling up to school at 8:30, Jessica clinging onto her older sister before making her way in for the 8:40 lesson. Yet today, Jessica found herself clinging a little bit tighter than usual.

"Hey kiddo, it's just the same as every other day, you'll be ok bug."

Rather than replying, Jessica found herself just turning to look at her older sister in a final bid to remain within her presence. She had fought all morning to stay at home with her sister, but none the less ended up in the car and on the way to school, her sister persisting with the idea she had to go in today, despite the minimal sleep Jessica had gotten last night. She knew her older sister had training today, but just couldn't piece together why she couldn't go with her, having gone to London Colney yesterday with her big sister. A slow weight was building up in Jessica's chest, and her stomach began to turn flips inside of her. She ran her tongue along her lips as she struggled to formulate the words to tell her sister. As she began to string a set of words in her mind, her sister spoke again,

"C'mon, you best get in kiddo, you can't be late. I'm proud of you"

And with one final squeeze of her side, Jessica found herself taking the dreaded steps into school. She knew better than to argue against the words of her older sister. They were close as you'd like, but her sister had her firm side to her, and Jessica often found herself treading on the fine line of crossing her. She knew what it was like to be in trouble with the older girl, and it was something she tended to avoid. So, she dragged herself into the grounds.

Jessica headed straight up to her key worker's room. It was also her maths teacher, but after struggling in school for a while, and the maths teacher being the only one to get through to Jessica, she was allocated as her key worker. Or, in Jessica's eyes, her safe person in school. Her sister was her favourite person in the entire world, but her maths teacher came a close second. Each morning, they did a morning check in, but today, she found her key worker just wasn't in her room. A pained feeling of butterflies took over Jessica's stomach, the earlier weight in chest descending into a pain that clenched what felt like her lungs together. Jessica turned swiftly on her heels in an attempt to find Miss Edwards but was taken aback by what seemed like the screams of the school bell. First lesson. Students began to pack the hallways, barging and shoving each other as they found themselves all packed into one hallway, pushing up against the walls, and one another. Jessica was sandwiched between young people, their elbows digging into her sides as she bit her lip in attempt to remain regulated. She placed her hands in her pockets, keeping her sleeves in her hands as she searched her blazer for anything to relieve the quickly building tension in her chest, yet couldn't find her fidget toy anywhere. She dug her nails into the palm of her hand as she battled her way through the army of school kids, just wanting to swiftly get to her history classroom. Her head began to become almost fuzzy, and the kids began to blur into the background as her mind became preoccupied only onto the tightening of her chest becoming further and further.