Blinding Lights: Despite Everything GeminiFourth

*14* Don't ignore me

I slowly climbed the stairs, maybe 20 of them?  And suddenly I thought about the fact that I had also been counting steps a few months earlier.  365 steps, that's how many steps separated me from my favorite coffee shop to my favorite parking space nearby.  365 steps like 365 days a year.

Today I looked at you for a long time, trying to understand what you meant.  You entered my life with a bang, you literally appeared with the roar of lightning, like a storm you wreaked havoc, which now I have to sort out.  It's not easy at all, and you're not helping me at all.  Today you insisted that you wouldn't spend the night in the apartment which, by mistake and probably out of habit, I started calling "our apartment".

“So where will you spend the night?” I asked.

  Can't you see I'm worried about you?  Why do you hold my hand one evening and the next morning you push me away with your coldness?  What am I doing wrong?  What should I change?  Tell me, don't keep me in suspense!  Let me at least be your friend!  Am I asking for that much?

Today I dedicate this entire post to you, Fourth, with the hope that one day you will read this and understand what torture these days were for me.

Why do so many people think we are together?  Why do they consider us a couple?  Heart's ghost, Phu, Dunk...

Mom wasn't thrilled when I told her about you.  Too bad, I had to do it.  I preferred she found out from me and not from the Internet.

I looked at you, but you were too busy eating some yogurt and staring at your phone.  That hurts.  I hate being ignored.  Anything is better than being ignored, you can shout at me, you can call me names, but please don't pretend I don't exist.  It fucking hurts.  Do you even realize how I feel?  Or maybe you mean the opinion I have in our entertainment industry?  Yes, Fourth, I know what they say about me, that I'm a playboy and a hooker, that I sleep with everyone, even fans... It's not true and I would like to tell you it, but every time I start a conversation about it,  You interrupt me, start talking about something else, you don't listen... Contrary to what others may say, I don't want to just fuck you, I want to be your friend. Can I?

Fourth, when will you finally realize that you are probably one of those very few people that I would like to know the whole truth about me?  Do you know how hard it is for me to stop myself from shouting the truth in your face?

I took your phone away when I saw you weren't responding to my questions.  You looked at me with such disgust that I felt as if you had stuck a knife into my heart and spun me around.

Why, Fourth, why?

Please tell me.

“Did you say anything?”