Blinding Lights: Despite Everything GeminiFourth

*32* Go to him...

Two days later...

"Of course you should go back to Gem, you don't even know how much this boy loves you, First will turn green with envy if you have a boyfriend before him. I talked to the fathers, they agree to your relationship". Gun spoke calmly between bites of breakfast.

They sat together in a room in Fourth's rented apartment at the table, each busy eating their own food. Fourth didn't have much of an appetite, he only ate a little and pushed the plate away from him. He poured himself a cup of coffee automatically and suddenly remembered the first time he shouted at Gem for making him coffee. And today he would give a lot to have Gemi next to him and to be able to prepare him coffee. This one didn't taste the same, and Fourth didn't know what the difference was.

"Okay, fine, cool," Fourth replied, although the meaning of his twin's statement didn't register.

"Are you even listening to me?"

"I'm listening, why wouldn't I listen?"

"What did I say?"

"That P'First will drive a car with a green livery? And that you have a boyfriend?"

"Are you dumb or dumber?"

"Huh? Do you want to insult me?"

„I'd rather wake you up because you weren't listening to me". Gun, who was sitting across from Fourth, kicked him under the table. Fourth grimaced.

"Sorry. So what did you say then?"

"I brought you some good news, damn it. You and your Gemini can be together, our fathers don't mind anymore. Because I'm assuming that's what you've been stressing about for the last three days?"

Fourth didn't answer. He hated how easily his twin brother could read him. He got up from the table and started cleaning up after breakfast. It seemed to him that he had misheard. The last time he talked to P'Mile, his father wasn't very supportive of his idea of life.

"Go to him today, I'm sure he'll be happy to see you. And finally turn on the damn phone. You can't run away from problems forever, you have to face them someday".

"I'm not running away at all."

"You're not running away? And who ran away from home and wandered around the city until he was noticed by a fucking celebrity? Who ran away from the same celebrity when he realized that he loved him? Who ran away from his house instead of telling him the truth? Was it me?"

Fourth clenched his hand into a fist. A wave of powerful anger he had never known before washed over him, covering all other emotions and feelings. He was furious. With the last of his self-control, he refrained from throwing the plate on the floor. He hated it. He hated when what Gun said turned out to be true. He hated feeling guilty, but what he hated most was that he didn't know what to do with himself or what to do next.

Gun sensed this and walked over to his brother and hugged him. He wasn't like that to anyone else, he didn't show his delicate and sensitive side to anyone else, but Fourth was always his little brother, a bit inept and weaker, who had to be taken care of and protected so that he wouldn't burst like a soap bubble. Gun went to him to hug him but Fourth pushed him away, causing Gun to fall, but even that didn't deter him. He knew his brother too well. He stood up and made a second attempt at hugging him. This time Fourth didn't resist. Thoughts and memories accumulated over the years found release in his desperate cries, in his words coming straight from his terrified heart.

"I suck, you know? Father Mile is right, I don't deserve Gem, I'm not good for him, I will hurt him, I will put him in mortal danger. I won't be able to protect him, I'm a total failure, you know?"