Fourth didn't know what to think.
Father Mile had always seemed cruel, decisive, serious, and unscrupulous. Mile was always ice cold towards him, showed no affection towards him, couldn't hug him or show him that he loved him or was proud of him. Fourth resented him a lot for this, but he never had the courage to tell him honestly. He was afraid of his reaction, afraid that his father would hit him again, that he would see his disappointed look again and hear his voice full of contempt, like every time he was unable to complete the task assigned to him. He could still hear his words in his mind: 'You are so useless, so hopeless, you can't even kill a scumbag who shows us no respect, who openly mocks us and who exposes us to harm. How is it possible that you are my son? You're not like me at all."
And Fourth only now realized that he didn't want to be like Mile. Gemini helped him see clearly.
He slowly stood up and almost automatically took his car keys from the bowl on the dresser and left the house. He had a plan. He wanted to talk honestly with Gemini. It's time to tell the truth and let Gemini decide what to do next. For now, Gem only knew that P'Mile and P'Apo were involved in not very legal businesses, he knew that they belonged to the mafia and were one of the most important people, but he did not know Fourth's role in all this. So far, Nattawat had been afraid to tell him the whole truth.
“What if he doesn't accept me? What if he hates me? I didn't kill anyone, I couldn't, but in the future I will have to learn it, I have no choice, I have to be like Gun. But I do not want. Why doesn't anyone take into account what I want? I don't want to be like Gun, I don't want to be another person who contributes to the suffering of others, that's not the real me. The real me is the one with Gemini, the one who laughs loudly and who dances and sings along with him. With him I feel free, I feel like I finally have the right to make my own decisions, but it's just an illusion. I'm Mile and Apo's son and they're mafiosi, I don't fit into Gemini's world. If he wants to leave, I'll have to let him. I don't want this, I don't want him to go, I can't lose him. I can't imagine my world without him anymore”, Fourth thought, and he was overcome with black despair.
“I'm sorry, Gem, I'm sorry,” He whispered and let the first tears in a long time escape his eyes. The traffic light in front of him turned red, forcing him to stop.
Fourth Nattawat had never cried, he had been taught to be tough, he had been taught not to show emotion, he had been taught not to give in to emotions, but now this weight on his heart was dragging him down, it was like a stone attached to his soul that was dragging him to the very bottom of his deepest ocean with no possibility of rescue. The distraught boy hit the steering wheel with his hand.
“Damn it!” He shouted. “Forgive me, Gem, please forgive me. I don't deserve you, I never deserved you. You, although you pretend to be an arrogant and overconfident asshole, actually have a good heart, and mine is poisoned, in my veins instead of blood flows a toxin that can destroy you too. I'll tell you the truth, I'll tell you everything and I'll leave. I will do it for your good. I don't want my origins and my past to take away your good, kind heart, I don't want you to become a monster because of me. You are like an angel, I am the shadow of a demon, we can't be together, we can't...”
As the meaning of the words he himself had spoken dawned on him, his stomach tightened into a tight knot and his eyes stung. He wanted to cry, he wanted to scream, shout out his pain, his longing and his awareness that he and Gemini were not meant to be together and this relationship was doomed to failure from the very beginning. He wanted to get out of the car and run as long as he had enough strength. He kept imagining himself running until his lungs were burning like fire and his legs were heavy as lead. He wanted physical pain to drown out the pain of his soul. He dreamed that the rain would start and that the next few moments would look like scenes from a TV series or a movie.
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Blinding Lights: Despite Everything GeminiFourth
Fanfiction{DEVIL: Despite Everything, Villain I Loved} Gemini Norawit has many secrets, but the boy next to him seems to have even more of them. Gem has to think over his life once again to understand who he really is. Will famous but hated by many musician f...
