conversations with the moon || minsung

8

"can i step out for a smoke?" jisung asked quietly.

"yeah, go ahead. you can go on the back deck." minho nodded.

"thanks." jisung got up, going upstairs to the back deck. he opened the sliding glass door and stepped out onto the deck.

he took in the beautiful scenery, leaning against the railing as he took out his cigarettes and a lighter. he placed a cigarette between his lips, lighting it. he closed his eyes as he inhaled and exhaled.

he took another drag, just enjoying the view in front of him. enjoying the silence surrounding him. unfortunately for him though, his mind wouldn't shut the fuck up as he took another drag.

he's been nothing but nice to you. you're just a fucking asshole. awwww you're scared he's gonna leave you so you don't wanna get attached? boo fucking hoo. that's just life. whether you like it or not.

get the fuck over yourself. take everyone else's feelings into consideration for once! you're so selfish han jisung.

jisung shook his head, taking an even longer drag than the previous ones. he inhaled for so long he began to feel light headed as he exhaled the big cloud of smoke. he grabbed the railing to steady himself as he took another drag.

he spotted an ashtray, noticing that his cigarette was wearing down. he groaned as he put the cigarette out. he walked back inside, going back to his seat between felix and jeongin.

"hi hyung, how are you feeling?" jeongin whispered.

"i'm feeling okay innie, thank you." jisung whispered back with a small smile.

"i'll just order dinner, text me what you guys want." minho announced.

everyone immediately pulled out their phones to text into the group chat what they wanted. everyone except jisung. minho waited a few minutes for everyone to answer, but didn't get a response from the blue boy.

"jisung, text me what you want." minho spoke up.

"uhm...i'm fine." jisung awkwardly replied.

"you don't want anything?" minho asked.

"no i'm okay. i had a big meal for lunch so im still full." jisung shook his head.

"no...you didn't." felix turned to him. "you didn't eat at all today..."

"i'm not hungry." jisung replied.

"why don't you just get something small, you don't have to eat a lot." chan spoke up.

jisung closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. "fine." he responded. he pulled out his phone, texting minho what he wanted. even if he didn't want it.

"okay, i'll order now." minho nodded.

the group went back to watching the movie, jisung ignoring the worried glances from felix. minho got up, disappearing into the kitchen. he returned with two reusable bags in his hands.

"i come bearing gifts." he spoke goofily.

"what's in the bag?" felix questioned, holding finger guns up at minho.

"look man, i don't want any trouble." minho played along.

"open the bags, lee." felix narrowed his eyes.

"show me the warrant first." minho mirrored felix's expression.

"OPEN THE DAMN BAGS LEE!" felix yelled, standing up, keeping his finger guns pointed at minho.

"OKAY, OKAY!" minho yelled back, setting the bags on the coffee table.

"DRINKS HELL YEAH!" felix yelled, dropping the finger guns.

"did you think we were spending the night sober?" minho laughed.

"i was hoping not." felix shook his head.

"the foods on the way, let's go ahead and crack some bottles open." minho smiled.

"don't have to tell me twice." felix shrugged as everyone sat around in a circle in the middle of the living room.

"i'll hand out the shot glasses." chan smiled as he grabbed one of the bags.

"thank you." minho nodded.

chan handed everyone a shot glass as minho handed out bottles of soju. the eight men poured a shot, cheering before downing their shots. conversation and laughter filled the room as jisung sat silently, observing.

"so minho, what was it like growing up with two moms?" felix asked.

"hmmm..." he thought for a second. "warm." he nodded.

"what do you mean?" changbin chuckled.

"it's hard to explain but i'll do my best." minho sat for a minute, thinking. "they're very loving. they were always there to comfort me. one of them would always leave work if i needed them. i have the comfort of knowing i can depend on them. it's very warm." minho answered.

"that's nice." chan smiled softly.

"you're very fortunate." jeongin nodded.

"i know i am. i'd never take my moms for granted." minho nodded.

jisung ignore the way his eyes slightly watered. he ignored the pain in his heart, they way it ached for parental love. he took another shot and debated leaving. but he knew his friends would be mad at him. he'd be mad at himself.

"jisung, what are your parents like?" minho asked innocently, just wanting the blue boy to join the conversation.

"uhm...they're..." jisung thought for a second. "i don't wanna talk about them." he dismissed.

"okay. that's okay." minho nodded with a soft smile.

and god jisung hated him. he hated how understanding he is. he hated how patient he is. he hated how perfect he is.

"well, do you have any hobbies?" minho asked.

"art." jisung answered simply.

"oooh, that's a very complex answer." minho nodded.

"how?" hyunjin chuckled.

"art comes in many forms. paintings, photography, dance, music. there are many different things that some would consider art, although most people keep them in separate categories." minho explained.

"do you keep them separate?" hyunjin asked.

"no." jisung shook his head. "he was spot on." and jisung hated it. he hated how minho understood him without even knowing.

"i admire it so much about him. he's artistic in so many ways." felix spoke softly.

"i also appreciate that." minho nodded.

a/n: i'm so fucking tired and exhausted. i've been working until 8 at night and it's so draining.