conversations with the moon || minsung

10

"hey, jisung!" minho called out as he caught up to the blue boy.

"what?" jisung asked as he turned towards minho.

"would you want to join us in dance? would your schedule allow that? obviously i understand if you couldn't or didn't want to but i know you said you love art, in all forms, and i thought i could put the offer out there." minho panted in between sentences.

"i don't want to." jisung shook his head.

"do you not dance?" minho asked.

"no i do. i just don't want to." jisung shrugged.

"i feel like it would really be good for you!" minho tried to convince him.

"you don't know what's good for me. you barely even know me!" jisung scoffed.

"and who's fault is that?" minho replied. "i'm doing everything i fucking can. you are the one that's pushing me away."

"maybe you should just give up." jisung shrugged.

"you think i haven't fucking thought of that? i'm friends with all of your fucking friends. otherwise i would've stopped trying." minho walked away, leaving jisung where he was standing.

jisung scoffed, rolling his eyes. "who the fuck does he think he is?" he stormed off to his car.

he let out a groan as he got into his car, placing a cigarette between his lips. he lit the cigarette and laid his head back. if theres any way to describe how jisung was feeling, its tired. the blue boy is tired. exhausted. drained.

he took drag after drag from the cigarette, trying to feel everything and nothing all at once. he was tired of having emotions. he was tired of being sensitive, no matter how hard he tried to block that sensitivity out.

he started his car, finally sitting up. he drove off. he wasn't going to the rest of his lectures. he decided to drive until he found himself approaching the woods. he parked his car, getting out and walking. he walked all the way to his boulder.

it was weird for him to be there when the moon wasn't out. he still laid on top of the boulder, closing his eyes. he took a deep breath, screaming at the top of his lungs. his hands flew to his stomach and gripped the material of his shirt as he just screamed.

once he stopped he just laid there, panting. he didn't open his eyes or move an inch. he laid there, almost as if he was as lifeless as he felt. tears began to fall from his eyes, the blue boy just letting them.

all he wished for was a break. a break to be able to mentally check out. he wouldn't have to deal with his parents, his friends, especially his new ones, he wouldn't have to deal with the stress and the pressure to be perfect. he was tired of having to be perfect all the time.

even if he knew he was far from perfect. that's all he strived for. he just wanted to be perfect. perfect grades, perfect girlfriend, perfect appearance, the perfect heir to his parents company.

but he's gay. he has blue hair. he has all these flaws within him that he tries to bury. he doesn't want to take over the company. and he can't stand up to his parents about it.

he'd have to live his life miserably because he's a coward. he is scared of everything, always hiding from his problems. scared of his parents, of letting people in, trusting people, scared of failure, scared of imperfection.

he knew most of the time that he was being unrealistic, and he didn't want to face that either. he couldn't acknowledge the fact that perfection is humanly impossible. because that meant admitting faults within himself. and he couldn't do that, because that would mean something's wrong with him.

he laid there, lifelessly, on top of his boulder, waiting. he waited for the moon to come up. he waited all day for the sun to disappear so the moon could finally rise. he waited impatiently as the sunset began, ignoring the way his back ached.

the moon slowly came up, the blue boy giving her a smile.

"hey moon, it's me." he smiled at her. "oh boy do i have a lot to tell you. well first, i slept over at minhos house with all of my friends and the new friends in our friend group.

"that went okay, other than me puking and minho helping me. embarrassing, i know. felix and i kinda fought and then minho kinda snapped on me. i don't know what to do, why don't they understand?" his voice sounded desperate.

"jisung?" a voice called out as a dark haired boy climbed up on the boulder.

"minho?" the blue boy called back.

"what are you doing?" minho asked as he took a seat next to jisung.

"i'm talking to the moon." jisung responded. "what are you doing?"

"i also came to talk to the moon. but maybe tonight we could just talk to each other?" minho suggested with a soft smile.

and jisung folded. he nodded slowly, observing minho. "yeah. we can do that." he responded quietly.

"i'm sorry for snapping on you earlier. i should've been more understanding that you have your own experiences in life. it wasn't fair to do that." minho looked over at the blue boy, who looked so beautiful under the moonlight.

"it's okay, i understand. everyone's frustrated with me. even i'm frustrated with myself. but i'm also sorry. you've been nothing but an angel to me. you don't deserve being shut out." jisung looked over at minho.

"so...you'll let me in?" minho whispered.

"yeah. i'll let you in." jisung nodded softly as he whispered back.

a/n: "ride like the motion of the ocean" BANG CHRISTOPHER CHAN HAVE YOU EVER EXPERIENCED THE MOTION OF THE FUCKING OCEAN????? this shit is not fun. i would never want to do anything like the motion of the ocean. i have been so sea sick and my body is all sore from throwing up and if im not on watch im asleep. this shit will rock you to sleep though when the waves aren't too bad.