conversations with the moon || minsung

19

"i love them." jisung sobbed out.

minho just giggled, pulling jisung to lay on his chest.

"it's okay, happy ending." he spoke gently.

"i know but it hurt so much in the process." jisung cried.

"that's just love, ji." minho whispered.

"love isn't supposed to hurt." jisung chuckled as he wiped his tears.

"maybe not. but sometimes it does." minho nodded. like when you want someone that you can't have.

"but why?" jisung frowned.

"because we're humans. and humans make mistakes. we have emotions and sometimes our brains aren't okay. but if you really love someone, you'll always find your way back to them. up to a certain point of course, and that's very circumstantial. but in their case, yeah." minho spoke gently.

"i wanna be in love. but i don't wanna get hurt." jisung whispered and minhos heart ached.

"you can't control your emotions sung. there will always be a risk no matter what kind of relationship you're building with someone. you have to trust people in order to build an honest relationship with them." minho ran his fingers through his hair. "do you trust me?" he whispered as jisung looked up at him.

"yes." jisung whispered back, nodding.

"and do you trust chan and hyunjin?" minho asked.

"yeah." jisung gave a small smile.

"i'm proud of you. i don't know what you experienced to make you build your walls up and i know it wasn't easy to let them down to let us in. thank you." minho spoke gently.

"hyung..." jisungs eyes watered.

"here." minho reached over, picking up the last strawberry and dipping it in cool whip. "last one." he whispered as he held it out to jisung.

jisung opened his mouth slowly, allowing minho to place the strawberry onto his tongue. jisung slowly chewed the strawberry as he looked back into minhos sparkly eyes. he laid his head back down, listening to the way minhos heartbeat raced.

"wanna go talk to the moon?" minho asked quietly.

"yeah. let's go." jisung smiled softly.

the two got out of bed, quickly making their way down the stairs. they put their shoes on and made their way out to minho's car. minho opened the passenger door for jisung, the blue boy thanking him as he got in. minho got into the drivers seat, starting the car as they buckled up.

"now, we should agree that going to talk to the moon together might be a little awkward because there's another person there." minho started as he drove off. "but i trust you. you trust me. it's okay for us to be vulnerable around each other."

"yeah. i trust you a lot more than i ever wanted to, honestly." jisung spoke softly as he looked over at minho.

"i'm glad." minho smiled softly.

he makes me feel so safe. lee minho, my moon. thank you. i think i'm falling in love with you.

"we're here." minho chuckled.

"i was zoned out for two seconds?" jisung laughed.

"it's not that far away." minho giggled. "cmon."

the two got out, walking into the woods. they walked in silence until they reached the boulder. minho climbed up first, offering jisung his hand to help him up. and while this was a climb jisung regularly made, he still accepted the hand that helped pull him up.

they laid down, looking up at the moon.

"hi moon. it's me." jisung smiled. "i'm so tired. i'm exhausted, really. i'm so tired of trying to be perfect. i will never be perfect."

"humans can't achieve perfection. to be perfect is not to be human." minho whispered.

"thanks, moon." jisung spoke playfully.

"let me be your moon." minho was serious as he looked over at jisung.

"you already are." jisung whispered.

"moon." minho looked up at her, shining brightly. "i don't understand. if my life has been so good, why do i have all these sad feelings inside of me?"

"like you said, sometimes our brains aren't okay." jisung whispered.

"but you're the sun." minho looked over.

"the sun?" the blue boy asked.

"yeah. you shine brighter than everyone. you're warm and people don't pay attention to you at first. because you're so bright the light hurts your eyes. but the sun is also a star." minho whispered.

"moon, i've been thinking a lot. i tend to get lost in my mind and things get dangerous. i'm glad to tell you i haven't relapsed in a week. but my dads coworker or whatever asked me when ill get married.

"i also wish i knew. i want a man to love me. to hold me and protect me from the world." i want lee minho. "i want a man to give all of myself to. again, i sound like a broken record as usual, but i want love. i want to love and to be loved." jisung took a deep breath.

han jisung, i'm right here.

"but again, look at the example i had of love growing up. what if he hits me? and i just brush it off and say that's love. but i should know better, right? i fall too fast and too hard for my own good.

"felix says i have a lot of love to give. so why can't i be loved back? if the amount of love i have to give will be my own downfall, is it worth it? what if i pour all my love into someone who doesn't love me back? what if i want someone so badly, but they don't return my feelings.

"it's not like i can be in an open relationship anyways. dad would kill me. even if i did find the one, we would have to keep it a secret. and who am i to ask that of someone?" jisung wiped his tears.

"i also want to be loved." minho whispered to the moon. "all through my life i was only liked for my looks. when will i find someone who genuinely loves me? all my faults, all my mistakes. i'm not my looks or my money. i am so much more than that. and i deserve so much more than that.

"i love hard. i feel all my emotions hard. so hard it hurts. my chest aches. i want to be loved by someone genuine. who sees me for who i am. for what i love. i want a man who'd give the world for me just as i'd do for him."

lee minho, i'm right here.

and that's how the two spent the night. soaking under the moonlight in all of their vulnerability.

a/n: ik there's a lot of tension and flirting but they're not progressing anywhere w all of it just yet 🤷‍♀️