conversations with the moon || minsung

34

"mom!" jisung jumped up from his spot on the couch, pulling his mom into a hug.

"hi hun." she smiled as she embraced her son.

"how are you feeling?" jisung asked quietly.

"i'm okay." she nodded. "i'm okay. yuna wants to speak with you by the way!"

"oh? okay." jisung nodded.

"she said to meet her tonight at the old cafe." sunhwa smiled.

"can i bring minho?" jisung asked.

"i think it's better you go alone." sunhwa smiled gently.

"okay." jisung frowned. "what time?"

"she said five. and not to be late." his mother giggled.

"i don't feel like driving." jisung frowned.

"walk there." sunhwa shrugged. "it's not that far."

"but what about later? it'll be dark outside."

"ji, don't worry. just text me when you're done and i'll come pick you up." minho offered a soft smile.

"okay." jisung nodded, a light blush appearing across his cheeks. "here mom, i'll bring you to your room." he took the bags from jinah and heejin, leading his mom up the stairs.

"you like him, don't you?" sunhwa asked as he set her bags down by the closet.

"what? what are you talking about?" jisung played off.

"the only other boy in the house, sung." sunhwa giggled.

like...? that word wasn't strong enough to define what he felt for minho. even if he didn't want to let himself admit it.

"i mean...i don't know. maybe a little." jisung answered quietly, biting at his lower lip.

"you seem hesitant." sunhwa pointed out. "can i give you some advice?" she sat on the bed, patting the spot next to her.

jisung nodded as he sat down.

"don't be afraid of love. if you love someone, tell them. life is too short, sung. love loudly, freely, and unapologetically. if you don't, you'll regret it one day." she spoke softly.

"but...it's scary..." jisung whispered.

"i know it is hun. but you can't let that fear control you. it's going to be scary but that's life. what if you get rejected? it will feel like the end of the world but i promise you it's not. what if you get hurt? you will heal. it may take time, but you will be okay again.

"life is full of taking risks. you can't really live and experience life without taking those risks. it's scary and confusing and you'll always think of the 'what if's'. but in order to live, you can't let fear control you. you can't let it stop you from living your life.

"you may be scared but you deserve to love and to be loved. you deserve to love that boy unapologetically. and i'm not saying to rush into things you aren't ready for, but you have to stop denying yourself the right to love." sunhwa spoke gently.

"i just...i don't know. thank you." jisung laid his head on her shoulder.

"talk to me about him." she gently called out. "everything on your mind. i'm here for you."

"well, he's perfect. my ideal type exactly. sometimes it's overwhelming. and maybe it's because i am too afraid to let myself love him. my mind is a constant battle of 'i love him' and 'no, i can't.' and it doesn't feel fair.

"he always takes such good care of me. he's always so gentle and sweet. his eyes literally hold the universe. he is always there by my side when i need him and my heart melts every time he smiles. when he touches me, even accidentally, my body feels like it's floating.

"he's flirty with me and i told myself he's like that with all his friends and it's all just for fun but...i don't know. i haven't seen him flirt with anyone else. he's literally the sweetest, he got scared because he thought the flirting made me uncomfortable but i was just flustered. because i really hope it's not just him playing around.

"i make sure to let him know i'm flustered so he doesn't think i'm uncomfortable. and it just gets so overwhelming and there's all these things i wanna say to him but i just can't. i can't bring myself to do it. i'm not brave enough, mom." jisung let out.

"i believe you're a lot braver than you think. i think you need to open up to the idea of letting yourself love him, and bring that wall around your heart down. i'm not going to guarantee he loves you back and you'll have a sunshine and rainbows relationship and get married and be together forever.

"that part you can find out when you're ready. when you're ready to let him into your heart. he's a good man, and i do believe that no matter what, he will treat you kindly and handle your heart as if it has a fragile sticker slapped across it." sunhwa gently rubbed jisungs back.

"yeah...you're right. thank you mom." jisung nodded, smiling softly.

"of course, jisungie. i'm always here for you." sunhwa pressed a gentle kiss onto jisungs head. "allow yourself to feel. it's scary but you're human. you need to allow yourself to feel whatever you're feeling. don't try to push it away."

"won't it be awkward for you and his moms if i get my heartbroken?" jisung chuckled quietly.

"no. our kids aren't us." she shook her head. "as long as he's not harsh, i will still see him as a good man."

"makes sense but you're supposed to hate boys who break your sons heart." jisung let out a soft laugh.

"that's circumstantial." she shrugged.

"okay, okay." her son giggled. "thank you. seriously."

"always my little sunshine." she smiled. "how long have you known? that you like boys."

"since i was thirteen." jisung answered.

"i'm sorry you couldn't tell me sooner." she frowned, squeezing him in her hold.

"it's not your fault." jisung smiled. "i'm just glad you accept me."

"not accept. support. accepting insinuates that it's wrong." she corrected.

"i love you mom." his eyes welled with tears as his mother ran her fingers through his hair.

"i love you too, my sunshine." she smiled gently, pressing a kiss onto her sons head.

a/n: little mother/son moment (i wish i had a mom like sunhwa.)