conversations with the moon || minsung

24

"ji? are you asleep?" minho whispered.

"no. i can't sleep." jisungs eyes fluttered open, looking up into minhos.

"wanna go out for a smoke?" minho asked quietly.

"yeah, let's go." jisung smiled softly, the two carefully getting up.

they made their way to the balcony, quietly shutting the door behind them. jisung pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. he placed a cigarette between his lips. as he brought the lighter up he felt a soft hand wrap around his.

minho took the lighter from him and moved closer. he studied jisungs facial features in the soft moonlight as he lit his cigarette. jisung kept his eyes on minho as he inhaled, exhaling the smoke into his face.

"this might be weird but i really want to shotgun with you right now." jisung whispered.

"you don't need to hold back." minho replied.

jisung took another drag, turning his body towards minho and gently grabbing his face. he pulled him close and exhaled the smoke into minhos mouth. minho inhaled it all as he placed his hands on jisungs waist.

"again." he whispered.

and jisung couldn't deny him.

he took another drag, exhaling the smoke into minhos mouth once again. when he pulled away he looked up into minhos eyes which were already looking at him. it was so easy for him to get lost in minho's eyes, his "celebrity crush" a lot deeper than he'd let himself admit.

"s-sorry." jisung stepped back, placing the cigarette between minho's lips.

"i think i like smoking better when it comes from your mouth." minho chuckled.

"i'm flustered." jisung mumbled.

"do you want me to change the subject?" minho asked gently, earning a nod from jisung. "how are you doing? i imagine the movie was hard to watch."

"it wasn't too bad for me. wasn't great, but you know...i'm doing fine." jisung nodded. "and how are you?"

"i almost puked." minho chuckled.

"wow, you do NOT wanna hear my life story then." jisung chuckled.

"i do." minho nodded. "when you're ready to tell me, i'm here to listen." he spoke gently.

"soon." jisung whispered.

"i'll wait as long as i need to for you to be ready." minho nodded.

"i appreciate you. so much." jisungs eyes watered.

what he didn't realize burying his feelings would do is overwhelm him. he felt so strongly for the older and it overwhelmed him. but he couldn't bring himself to admit the feelings that are there. that are growing stronger and stronger with each passing day.

because admitting having feelings put him at risk of heartbreak. it put him at risk for a pain he just wasn't ready to be put through. in his mind, there was no way anyone could love him. especially after growing up witnessing what his father called love. although as he got older he realized you don't do that to people you love, he still kept walls around his heart.

he'd beg and plead to keep his heart safe. he feared that having feelings for minho would cause him to push him away again to protect himself. but he couldn't stomach the thought of losing the older.

"i will always be here for you." minho whispered. "my sun. did you know you're pretty like the sun?"

"i've never been told that, no." jisung looked at him.

"well, you're pretty like the sun." minho smiled softly.

"and you're pretty like the moon." jisung whispered back to him.

"soulmates." minhos soft smile never left his face as he placed the cigarette between jisungs lips.

"soulmates." jisung shakily exhaled.

"are you attending the business dinner tomorrow?" minho asked.

"yeah, i have to." jisung nodded as he took a drag.

"i don't want you to." minho spoke seriously.

"min, i have to." jisung sighed.

"i don't want you around him, ji." minhos voice wavered slightly. "after seeing you last time...i just- i can't stand to see you like that ever again."

"i know, min." jisung looked down. "but he's my dad. i have to put up with it."

"no, you don't. blood doesn't define family." minho shook his head. "my mom's adopted me. i don't share any of their blood or dna. but they're still my moms."

"i know, but your situation is completely different from mine." jisung felt himself growing irritated. "he will always have more money, more power, and he will always be fucking dangerous. if i don't show, he will send people to kidnap me. it's happened before and i do not want it to happen again."

"i will pay the cops myself to deal with him!" minho's voice raised slightly.

"and he will pay them more!" jisung raised his voice back. "you don't understand, i can't escape him. and trying will only make it worse for me!"

"so we should all just sit back and watch you get abused?" minho scoffed.

"i'm not telling you to sit back!" jisung groaned. "never did i say that. i just want you to be there and take care of me. that's all i've ever asked for."

"it's not really fair that you expect us to take care of you but you won't do anything to cut ties with him. i never want to have to see you in that state again." minhos eyes watered.

"you don't understand! it's not that fucking easy for me! you're not listening to me! i understand you, i really fucking do. because if i could help myself and my mother i fucking would, minho. i would have a long time ago. i tried a long time ago!

"i tried time and time again and every single fucking time i only made it worse. because he has money and power. HE does and always will. this is just the life that i was unfortunate enough to be born into." jisung snapped.

"there's always something you can do." minho took a deep breath. "i will help you. but i only can if you let me."

"i'm scared. and i can't bring myself to try again in case i fail." jisung began sobbing.

"i'm sorry for pushing it. i just can't stand to see him hurt you and not be able to do anything about it." minho allowed himself to cry as he pulled jisung into his embrace.

"it's okay. i really do understand where you're coming from. and i hope you don't think i'm being stubborn." jisung cried out.

"i'm sorry." minho kept repeating as he held jisung close, the two crying their hearts out to the moon, and to each other.

a/n: i've been reading 'the song of achilles' and im so fucking obsessed i can't wait to let this book destroy me.