Anne with an e- a new version of the story

CHAPTER 81 - My tragic romance

ANNE

- "Are you sure that's what you want, Anne, to stay away from Gilbert?" Marilla asked, looking at the girl in amazement at the decision she had made.

- "It's not forever, Marilla," or so she thought. Although she was firm in her decision to resolve the issues in her life before joining Gilbert again, Anne hoped to find the answers she was looking for without too much delay, because her greatest dream was to marry Gilbert Blythe, and she knew that if she took too long to find out what she needed to about his origins, she ran the risk of not having him at the end of that journey waiting for her, and Anne didn't want to spend the rest of her life without him, but if Gilbert happened to find someone else, she would have to let him go, even though she knew it would be the death of her heart.

- And do you think he'll wait for you, Anne? - Marilla asked again.

- I didn't force him to wait for me, but I confess that the idea of not having him around when I know everything I need to about myself makes me agonize, but I left him free to choose the path he wanted, it wouldn't be fair to chain him to me like that. I love him too much to ask him to make that sacrifice," Anne said, lowering her gaze sadly.

They were in Marilla's kitchen just in time for dinner, and Anne had told Matthew and Marilla everything that had happened between her and Gilbert. Her plate was still full of food, but she couldn't swallow any of it.

It was too much tension for her to be hungry, even though she hadn't eaten since lunchtime when she'd only had a sandwich before going to the beach with Josie. She tried to disguise her lack of appetite by drinking a glass of milk, which her stomach complained about, making her slightly nauseous.

If Marilla noticed anything, she didn't say anything, and Matthew had never been a great observer of human behavior, so neither of them seemed to have seen Anne just playing with food without actually eating it.

But that wasn't the most important fact there. What was really essential for Anne at that moment was to find out something about her family, and she wouldn't be able to move on as long as that piece of herself was lost somewhere in the past.

- Aren't you afraid of losing Gilbert forever, Anne? You know that good boys like him are no longer to be found these days. Aren't you wrong, child? Why end your engagement like this over something you don't even know will find the answers you want? Gilbert won't wait for you forever," Matthew said seriously. He hardly ever spoke or expressed his opinions openly unless someone asked him. But Anne knew that he was worried about her happiness and also because he had a lot of affection for Gilbert, which was why he spoke like that.

- I know he won't wait for me forever, and that's not what I want for him. I love you, Matthew, and it's also for him that I'm doing this. I want us to be happy, with no shadow between us, but until I can fill the void on that side of my life, I won't be able to be the woman he needs.

- But what if you can't find what you're looking for? What will you do? Continue with this emptiness? What if you lose Gilbert in the process? Then you'll have thrown away the love of your life for an absurd illusion." Anne listened to Matthew carefully, knowing that in many ways he was right. If she lost Gilbert and still found nothing to take her back to her origins, then what would she have left? Pain? Disillusionment? Unlove? It was a risk she had to take, and if there were consequences she would have to deal with them, and if she lost Gilbert she would have to live with the memories of everything they had been to each other. The question was, was she prepared for that?

Anne knew the answer, but she had made her choice and would go through with it, she needed to, there was no running away, everyone had the right to know what her real surname was, where her roots were, if she had relatives, other siblings, where she was born, this information was essential in a person's life. Anne just didn't know where to start, maybe she should go back to the orphanage where she had lived to see if she could get any information. She would talk to Diana and Josie, and ask them to accompany her.