Anne with an e- a new version of the story

Part 32- What he makes me feel

 ANNE

After the terrible weekend Anne had lived, the girl thought Gilbert would never speak to her again, but strangely in the days following the inevitable end of their romance, he continued to treat her normally and seemed to have completely forgotten her refusal to stay with him.

In some way, it was a relief for Anne, for if she could not have him in her life to love him freely, she did not want to lose Gilbert's friendship either. That at least was a comfort to her heart that agonized inside.

They didn't talk much, it was true, but Gilbert was always polite and courteous, and showed no resentment at all for the way things turned out. Anne told herself it was better that way, but what she didn't want to admit was that she missed being with him terribly, nesting in those loving arms, laying her head on Gilbert's shoulder and kissing him when she felt like it.

Now all there was between them was a barrier she had built herself, and the weight of knowing that was too great. Gilbert no longer looked at her as before, when her eyes looked for him between classes, the boy was always focused on his studies and never raised his head from books to pay attention to what she was doing. Anne often saw him talking to Muddy or some other class friend, joking and laughing with them, but he never smiled at her that way that made her feel so special as if the two of them shared a secret.

He had completely banished her from his life. She was free to love whoever she wanted and whenever she wanted. But wasn't that what she wanted? Wasn't that why she walked away from him? To give Ruby a chance to come closer and try to win him over? She must have been happy, because she had succeeded. Gilbert didn't want her any more, and he could finally get it right with the girl. So why did she feel that there was a piece of her missing? Why didn't she take more pleasure in doing the things she loved?

Even the book club she'd left, she hadn't been there for days. Not only because of the unpleasant incident with Billy Andrews, but also because of the memories she had of Gilbert and her in that place that used to be her private shelter, which had saved her so many times from the sorrows of the world, but which now seemed too desolate for her.

She pretended to be happy, that she was still the same old Anne, only when she was alone did she let the cloak of sadness descend upon her, and isolated herself in her room where no one could see her.

She had tried to write about these feelings countless times, but she had not been able to fill a line. There was a mental block that prevented her from overflowing with words her unhappiness, and so she kept those moments of loneliness to herself. The princess Cordelia of her dreams had also hidden herself in the shadows, and there was no refuge for her fantasies anymore.

Some things had not changed. She still loved studying and going to school was a pleasure, but what she found really difficult was waking up in the morning and remembering the effort she would have to make to not let anyone, not even Diana, discover the truth about how she felt.

When she told her friend that she and Gilbert were no longer together, Diana had regretted it and asked her if she was okay. Anne had answered that she was fine, and had soon changed the subject for fear of confessing her misfortune.

But life went on, the clock wouldn't stop or the world would stop turning just because her heart was broken. She had to find a way to make her life go back to the way it was before, for if Gilbert had moved on, why couldn't she? So the days went by without much news, and things improved considerably as Anne adapted to her routine again.

That morning she had arrived at school alone, Diana had come with Jerry a little earlier, and Anne was not particularly excited to talk, so she put her things in the closet and sat in her usual desk. When she passed by Gilbert, he sneered at her, but her presence didn't hold his attention for long, as he soon continued to study in his books, taking several notes of what he considered most important.