Heartstopper

I hate love

For every desperate single out there , who's searching for love, my dear fellow this chapter is for you <3

Nick Nelson is a pain in my ass. I hate him so fucking much. How he looks , how he speaks . I just hate him.
Why is he on my mind the whole time ? Why am I still single ? I mean sorry but Ben certainly doesn't count for anything.
I have the feeling to miss out my whole teenage years. Maybe no one will ever love me but certainly Nick will never love me.
And it's so pathetic that I have a crush on him ! We never even spoke with each other ! Like not one sentence between the two of us. I know nearly nothing about him ! But I just saw and fell...

UGH!

I slammed the pillow hard against my head. Trying to sleep while being in love is not really easy. I can't help but let my mind wander back to the handsome boy in my math class . I HATE HIM! Get out of my fucking head!
I know exactly how this will end. Either I'm not gonna tell him how I feel at all and wonder the rest of my life what could have been or I'm gonna tell him in one weak moment and he will tell me politely that he doesn't like me . I will be crushed either way.

It's just not fair ! How can a person be so perfect ! I hate him.

But maybe ...
No !
Maybe he...
NO!
I can never know what goes on in his head ... Maybe he's in love with m-
NO!
He's not . God Charlie, get it together. This is pathetic. Imagine someone hearing your thoughts !
Imagine him hearing this!
But I can't help myself and wander back to the 0.0000000001% Chance that maybe he likes me back. That maybe Nick Nelson is laying awake right now, hating me for the reasons for which I hate him.

This thoughts make my heart hurt. It feels like it is jumping out of my chest, so it can run towards Nick. Just to remember you all, never spoke to him. I don't even believe in love on first sight ! AH!
I could try to talk to him in school . But maybe he doesn't like me at all. Maybe he finds me disgusting . I should never talk to him, so I at least won't find out if he does. I don't think that my heard can take another break.

I'm just gonna be lonely for the rest of my life . It's fine, honestly. I get a few cats , do my work and then be lonely . It's not my fault ! He doesn't like me back ! What an asshole for not liking me back. Okay maybe I shouldn't judge him for that. He can't change his feelings like I can't change mine. To my defense I totally got the harder part on that one. Wow , he must deal with him not liking me , meanwhile I must deal with me liking him!

I hate love.
Really it's a lot of shit.
I will stay alone forever .
Nick Nelson doesn't like me back.
But maybe ....

NO !