The Kick Back

White Lies

My second week home had been spent avoiding everyone who was once close to me. A part of me just didn't wanna be bothered and the other part of me wanted someone to come and see about me. My mindset was on finding out who really cared about me and who cared enough to tell the truth. Yeah, I was hiding the identity of the person that I was dating, but my secret was nothing compared to the secrets that people had been keeping from me.

Saying that I was frustrated was an understatement. I was about ready to just give up on everything because I had been so confused. I felt bad about avoiding Stephanie and I missed her more than words could've ever expressed. Yet, every time I got ready to pick up the phone and dial her number, I would stop myself. I could barely care for myself, I couldn't sleep without any pain and I was afraid of being around her and alone with her. I would think to myself, what if she wanted me and I couldn't perform? That would've been more than embarrassing. I also didn't want her around feeling sorry for me. I had my reasons for my seclusion, and I didn't plan on ending it any time soon. I needed to get my head together.

I walked outside with a cold glass of lemonade just to get some fresh air and enjoy the breeze. Summer was about to come to a close and you could tell by the air and the way it was blowing. I was ready for it to be over. I had been through enough and all I wanted to do was forget about it. I took a small sip from my glass and looked off down the street. People were walking around, playing around, enjoying themselves and I was stuck on the porch, trying not to move too fast or bend the wrong way. It sucked. But I had to deal with it and try my best to get better. And in my mind, I was fine with doing that alone.

My peace was soon interrupted by Mike. He had a way of popping up during those moments when I really didn't feel like having company around me. He didn't care though, there was always room for him in his mind. "Que pasa, perdedor?" he said, teasing me. I chuckled a little bit and replied with, "Fuck you." He smiled and then looked around at all of the neighbors, enjoying their days. "So when are you gonna get out and start enjoying yourself again, man? We miss you around here, shit ain't the same without you." He said, lightly tapping my arm, trying his best not to hurt me. "I know y'all do but I'm really not ready to get out here and be seen again. I'd rather be lowkey right now. It's way too much goin on." I told him. He nodded. "I know what you mean. You know my friend that you met?" He asked. I nodded and said, "Yeah I remember. How do you know her anyway?" I asked, wanting to finally know what their connection was. "We've been friends for a long time. She helped me out with somethin not too long ago. I've always felt like I owed her for that. She's a good person...too good for shit like what just happened to her to happen to her." he said, filling me with a new curiosity.

"What you mean? What happened to her?" I asked, trying to hide how concerned I actually was. "She got raped a couple nights ago. She ain't tell me much but I do know that that's what happened to her." he explained. I had never felt so much rage flow through my body, I didn't even think that kind of feeling was humanly possible. Everything in me wanted to find out who did it and rip his fuckin head off. But I had to play it cool. Things between us was still very much private and I didn't want to mess anything up.

Once Mike left, I tried to call Stephanie but I didn't have any luck getting an answer. I was very worried about her at that point. Maybe it was my fault because I wasn't around to protect her. That's all I could think about. I didn't want her to think that I didn't wanna be there for her in such a difficult time. I had just been so consumed with my own issues and feelings that I didn't pay much attention to the people around me who I knew cared for me, no question. Once I hung up the phone, I made my way over to the couch. I stared blankly at the TV for a minute but I couldn't stop thinking about Stephanie. I had to make sure she was okay, no matter what I had to do and how I had to do it.

"Fuck it." I said to myself, standing up and making my way towards the door. Once again, I threw my hoodie up and started my walk over to the East side...