The Kick Back

Eye opener

"Are you sure that you will be okay Stephanie?" my mother asked in a concerned tone. Looking out the window trying not make eye contact my whole head dropped. "Yes momma I will be fine." The look on her face let me know that she was more than serious. It had been a while since my mother and I sat down and talked. I hadn't seen momma since my graduation night. We talked for a while that night and momma went on about her day. Deep down I know my mother felt guilty for leaving me behind, but truthfully I was thankful she did. Had momma not made the move she did, I wouldn't know everything that I know now. I wouldn't have fallen in love with Antonio, and I definitely wouldn't know how to love my children like I do. Not saying that momma never loved me, but we all know my mother's focus were my younger siblings. Funny thing is I don't resent them, I'm just thankful that they would never have to go through the things I had gone through. Kicking it with my mother was always a luxury for me since we never really hung out after her move. She just so happened to reach out before my flight. Our talks always meant something to me, and the fact that she was coming to Michigan to support me made my mind ease a little more. Mrs. Garcia reached out as well and said that she and the Garcia family would be there to support me as well. This surgery had me on edge and I was even more on edge at the fact me and Antonio never had the opportunity to sit down and talk. The more I thought about Antonio and his "new" relationship the more I realized, I had to move on to the next chapter of my life. Momma's words were in my head the entire flight. "We never know how the dice may roll, but however they roll just keep fighting." I knew I was in no control of the situation that was at hand. Who knew how healthy the babies would be at twenty seven weeks. Shit most babies don't survive being delivered that early, but it was something about this two twins of mines that let me know that they would be okay.

Leaving Oakland was no longer bitter sweet for me. Every sight reminded me of Antonio, momma, the girls, and the old clique. It was time to move on from that, and boarding that plane leaving Oakland let me know I had no reason to return..not even for Antonio. Planting my feet back on Grand Rapids soil felt more than good. I couldn't have been more than excited to be heading home to a hot bath, hot meal, and some good laughs with Mike. For once it felt good to come home to something other than an empty house. Even though I was happy to be back at home, truth is I'm scared to death. The thought of the surgery had taken more energy out of me than a little bit. Usually life doesn't scare me, but to possibly lose my life before I could hold and kiss my babies was killing me. If delivering my babies and losing my life in the process was my fate, I vowed to live these last few weeks like it was my last.

Aunt Shelia always was never the type to hold any punches, especially when she felt strongly about something. It was rare that we talked about Antonio. Aunt Shelia loved her some Antonio, but something about our situation rubbed her the wrong way. As much as I didn't want our business out I couldn't lie about the reality of what was going on. Antonio had moved on with his life, so why was it so hard for me to do the same? He seemed so happy with this Andrea chick. Word before I left Oakland was that she was supposed to be pregnant too. The news boiled my blood. You can only be strong for so long before you break, and I was close to my breaking point. Tears rolled down my face as Aunt Shelia's words sunk in. Truth was it was time for me to pull up my big girl panties up and do what I had to do for my children....