The Kick Back

Little Black Dress

Aunt Shelia and my mother were brought to tears as I stepped out of the dressing room. It had been years since my mother saw me in a dress. I was so against them up until I really start loving myself. In my mind big girls didn't need to be seen in dresses. We had too much to cover up. I grew tired of it hiding who I truly was. It took me years to accept that fact that I was a perfect size fourteen. I didn't need a man to validate me, or even someone to pay me any attention. The attention I gave myself was enough for me to rebuild and truly discover who I was.

For years I waited for someone to tell me that I was pretty, that they loved me, that I the only woman in their eyes. For years I wanted for someone me like they wanted my girls. Back then I never paid attention to the men who were in and out. Countless sex partners and broken homes. My so called 'friends' were hurting worse then I was. They had everything I wanted, but yet they weren't happy. That wasn't what I wanted for myself. Their situations were the true meaning of 'the grass isn't always greener on the other side.'

The mirror had become my best friend. Many nights I would stand and stare at myself for hours. The hurt behind these pretty brown eyes had become obvious. Love didn't seem as if it was coming to me. Everyone else had experience in relationships, they had boy friends to go on dates, and even someone to talk long walks with. It had always been me. Over time I had gotten use to being by myself.

I had to learn to love Stephanie from inside out. She was a beautiful girl who had a heart of gold. She had selfish ways but her intentions were good. The stephanie I feel in love with was kind, sweet, attentive, ambitious, selfish in different ways, mean at times, moody from time to time, giving, and she listened. She was the perfect package.

Taking that time to love me had truly benefited me. I was able to look at life from a different prospective. Negativity was no longer apart of me. Everything I strived for would come from ambition. Momma always said if you fall get back up and try again, it was time to do that.

What I saw in the mirror was no longer a seven-teen year old girl, but a seven-teen year old woman. That Anna dress complimented my body. It hugged every curve. No longer was I afraid to be free. Every since my new look my confidence had soared through the roof. I truly was in love with Stephanie. Momma hugged me so tight and cried on my shoulder. Her baby girl had now become a woman. All because of this little black dress, Momma had realized that she hadn't been there. Her guilt had kicked in.

We hugged it out, after all she was still my momma. Nothing would strip her of that. No situation was enough to stop me from loving her. Momma taught me how to be a woman, and because of her strenght I made it though my darkest hour. Only thing is my darkest hour wasn't so dark..thanks to Antonio.

Antonio would always be the love of my life. No matter our situation...LOVE over powers all...