The Kick Back

All's Well

Walking back home that night, I kept the envelope tucked tight inside of my hoodie, making sure that nothing dropped out on the ground on the way. I could only see in tunnel vision at that moment. I wasn't sure if I was pissed off or in shock. Mostly, I just wanted to get home and try to get my head together. Some things are just a little too much to try to process right away, and this was one of those things. It wouldn't be something that I could simply take my mind off of in a matter of minutes, this was going to take some work. Once I got to the house, I sat down on the porch, unable to take another step. I threw my hood off of my head and removed the picture from the envelope. As I stared down at it, all sorts of feelings started to come back as well as new ones started to emerge. I was scared, doubtful, unsure, and angry. All of those combined were sure to drive me crazy if I had let them.

Just as I placed the picture back into the enveloped with the other contents, my mother stepped outside. "Mi hijo, what are you doing?" she asked, staring at me with a curious look in her. "I'm just tryin to cope I guess." I told her. She walked out of the house, shutting the door behind us, ensuring that we had some kind of privacy. "Is everything okay?" she asked. I nodded, "yeah...everything is fine." I felt like I had to lie. I had put my family through enough for the past year or so and I didn't wanna add to that shit list, at least not at that particular point in time. But, something told me that she knew that I wasn't being honest. She walked over to me and sat down. She motioned for me to lay my head on her shoulder, something she hadn't done since I was very young. I did as she requested and she took my hand and started rubbing it.

"She's gone...and it hurts. I know that feeling. You just have to walk through the pain and move on with your life. It's gonna be rough but nobody ever said anything about life was easy." she advised. She was right, but then again, she had no idea what she was talking about. There was so much more to me and Stephanie's story and that pain wasn't just something you could just walk through. Nobody knew what I had been through and nobody knew what was yet to come, not even me. "I just don't wanna see you hurting anymore. You're young...you've got your whole life ahead of you. You can do whatever you wanna do and see whoever you wanna see, baby. You don't have to do this..." She couldn't even finish her statement before I interrupted her. I had grown so tired of hiding things and so tired of people trying to advise me when they really didn't have room to speak on my situation. I was fed up. At that point, it's safe to say I was mad at the world.

"Before you keep goin on with this tirade, I got something to show you." I told her, hoping that the picture would give her a better understanding of why I was feeling and reacting the way that I was at that time. I pulled the envelope out of my pocket and showed her the contents. First, the plane tickets, then the letter. As she scanned through the letter, I pushed the picture on top of it. She looked over at me and then back down, unsure of what to say or what her reaction should be. All she could muster was, "Dios mío..."