The Kick Back

Come Clean

I kept replaying the conversation with Maria in the back of my mind over and over again. I had gone to her dorm room thinking that something had happened to someone that we both knew, instead I found out that something was happening to the both of us. One of our encounters had led to her being pregnant. I didn't understand how things could have went wrong. I wasn't running in her raw, I wasn't being careless or so I thought. Rubbers aren't 100% effective and that had been proven true at that moment for me. I wasn't ready for a baby. I had spent so much time taking care of other people and worrying about their problems. I wasn't ready to dedicate myself to another human life, all over again.

"What do you mean what am I gonna do? I'm keeping my baby!" Maria shouted. I stared at the floor, barely able to look her in her eye. Maria was the last person I wanted a baby with. I barely wanted to be around her when we weren't having sex, that's the harsh truth. She was cool but being committed to her for life was out of the question for me. But after hearing that news, I didn't have a choice but to be tied to her for the rest of my life in some kind of way. I didn't believe in abortion but for some reason I had suggested it to her. After the way I acted when Stephanie aborted her baby, that made me the biggest hypocrite that I knew. "If you don't wanna be in this baby's life then you don't have to be! Just know that when you decide that you wanna be, I might not be so willing to let you in! I don't need your sorry ass!" Maria snapped. I was barely paying attention to the shit she was spewing. I was taught that if I created a baby and had one in this world, that I wasn't a man if I didn't take care of it. Maria plopped down on her bed, frustrated and angry. Despite how I felt, it was time to man up and be there for her. After all, she hadn't created this problem herself, I had helped and I had to take responsibility for my part in it all.

I walked over and sat down next to her. I put my arm around her, trying to comfort her. "I'm sorry. I would never want you to get rid of our child. And I'm gonna be here for you and the baby no matter what. I promise you that." I told her. She looked up at me with tears in her eyes. I don't know what she expected. Maybe she expected me to run out but I wasn't that type of guy. We had created a child and we would both have to deal with it. "How am I gonna tell my parents? What will they say?" she asked me, laying her head on my shoulder. "Just tell them we made a mistake...none of us are perfect...but you'll need their support and that we'll figure everything else out on our own." I told her. I grabbed a hold of her hand and stroked it, letting her know that I wasn't gonna leave her in it alone. All I could think about was what would happen when Stephanie found out. We weren't together but we still loved each other which was more than obvious. All I knew was that I would have to tell her before someone else did.

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There was a silence between Stephanie and I in the library after I told her that Maria was pregnant. She wouldn't even look at me after I shared the news with her. "Stephanie...say some-..." Before I could get the words out good, she slapped the fire out of my ass. I reached up and checked my lip, looking down at my fingers I saw blood. I had to block the next slap and at least get up before she tried to strike again. I stood up and backed up and of course she lunged at me. Luckily, Mike wasn't too far from where we were sitting, sitting with his partner and he caught wind of the altercation. He ran over as fast as he could and pulled Stephanie back. "Calm down! What the hell is goin on?!" Mike asked, looking dead in my direction.

"Nothin, man. I'm outta here. I don't have time for this kinda shit." I told him. I picked up my shit and walked out of the library. I had never wanted to hit a girl that bad in my life but I felt like she had it coming. Instead, I removed myself from the situation and headed home to get my thoughts together.

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"A baby? Mi hijo, tell me you're joking. You are not ready for a baby!" My mother exclaimed. I knew that but it had happened and all I could do was deal with it. "Do you have any idea what it takes to take care of a baby and try to go to college? It's not easy, Antonio. No me lo puedo creer!' she continued, going on one of her famous tangents. I knew she was disappointed but there was nothing that I could do. I had become a father overnight and there was nothing I could do to reverse what had been done. "I wanted so much more for you, Antonio. And now you have to stop your life to be a father. Your life is over!" she said as the tears began to roll down her face. "You can't have a baby, mi hijo. You're not ready..." she pleaded. I was completely against the idea of abortion, so I chose not to entertain what she was implying. Before she could go on, my father appeared in the doorway, fresh off of work.

"Not ready for what?" he asked. He hadn't heard anything else and I wasn't prepared for my Moms to tell him anything. "Why don't you ask your son what's going on." Moms said, staring over at me. Again, it was gonna be a long night...