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★・・・・・・★
Dear Jamie,
My manager thought the song I wrote about you was good. She said I should stick with the theme. I really don't like her, which really sucks because she's around me constantly. I'd rather be around you constantly, but it's like I have this big sign that says, "Condemned: Unsafe Area." That's a good lyric.
I'm condemned, I'm condemned; my heart is on the mend.
I can't sleep at night anymore. I have these big circles under my eyes. Sharon keeps calling; I keep declining. I haven't spoken to anyone since that night, except for telling Rebecca in an email that I took the job. Nate is right, nobody wanted me there anyway. Look what happened to us; maybe our romance was all in my head. Nobody really gives a damn about me.
You can tell me that you love me till your little lungs turn blue, but I'm always alone when I fall asleep.
Not that I can ever fall asleep. Not anymore. Not when all my dreams have you in them.
I had this dream the other day that you picked me up from my old apartment, and that you had brought me a blueberry muffin, but when I went to get in the car, you locked the door. Then you rolled down the window and asked me who I was. Like I didn't even register in your brain anymore, and you drove off.
That's when I woke up with tears already in my eyes from the dream. I cried that day, I cried in my hotel room until my throat was raw and my eyes bloodshot from the tears, then I opened up the little bottles from my minibar and drank and drank till I fell asleep again and had the same nightmare all over again.
Now I walk the streets at night and think about how I'm gonna tell you all these things in the letters that I don't send you. All the stars in the sky aren't there for me anymore, Jamie. Are they still there for you?
My manager likes my songs because they make her feel better. Which I guess makes me happy. I'll write about some of those songs some other time. Maybe I can use that as a lyric.
And the people always tell me that my words get 'em by, they can tell how much I mean it by the bloodshot in my eye.
I'm so sick of feeling sad all the time, but it's just so hard not to feel sad when you're not here. Why did I have to do it? You're probably wondering that now. Why did this person I put everything into leave me? What did I do wrong? God, I hope you're not saying, "What did I do wrong?" You did nothing wrong.
Everyone knows there's no glory in the fall if no one's around at the end of it all.
No one is around anymore. I feel completely and utterly alone and the worst part is, it's all my fault. I pushed everyone away; I still am pushing everyone away. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why do I need to push everyone away? I've done it before.
Everyone eventually leaves.
My mum.
My dad.
My friends.
My family, more like.
You.
I don't know what to do. Maybe it will be better when I hit the road and I'm not just either sitting in a hotel room or in a recording studio. Thank you for letting me talk to you, Jamie. You... you make me feel better somehow. Still, there's got to be some way to end this song.
I'm condemned, I'm condemned; my heart is on the mend. Somebody gives a damn about me. Tell me that you love me till my eyes turn that shade of blue. I always think of you when I sleep.
Always, Ulla
★・・・・・・★
Blu Speaks!
Sorry there such short chapters. But I wanted to keep it realistic and I don't think she'd be writing thousand plue word letters to Jamie.
Also: do you guys like the change of aesthetic? It will change back to the normal format once part three comes, don't worry.
