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★・・・・・・★
Dear Mum,
Hey mum, it's been a while. A lot has happened since we... since we last spoke I guess. I don't know anything about that after life or anything like that but I want to tell you more about me... Me now and me before. I think the first thinng I need to tell you about is Jamie.
I'd be calling you right about now, tellin' you stories of a pretty fine guy.
You would love him. I think you would love him anyway, I sure do. He's a footballer, which I don't know if dad would apperciate cause he's always been a baseball fan, you know that. Could you tell dad I say hi? Where ever you are.
He has these magnificent green eyes, and this mop of raven hair. I love his little bit of long hair that he keeps. I wonder if he's going to keep growing it out, I remeber telling him that I liked it long and I don't think he's got it cut since. He also kinda talks like you, use to make me feel better and stuff.
Would have reminded you of the things that your girl's into, how she looks, and she acts, and she talks like you.
I wish that you could have met him, could have seen him with your very own eyes and not just through mine. I think about that night a lot. I think about what could have been, what I would have done. If you would have survived, if I hadn't broken my arm. If that car didn't skid off into our lane.
This not meant for mercy, I have pictures of you that hurt me.
I only have a few pictures now and their all in storage. I miss my apartment. It was so full of life, full of color, so full of things that reminded me of you. I miss that little green emerald chair that was filled with pine needles and I miss all the pictures even if they were in few numbers that hung on my walls from when I was little.
Sweet Fion, I miss you so and your words go where I go.
You know your the whole reason I ever met Jamie. Your the whole reason why I left Ireland, why I joined Djo, why I made it through being in a home for so long. Your words filling my head every time something bad happened, every time something didn't work out, everytime I saw a broken Jamie need someone. Your words always echoed in my head.
So you can calm my thunder down, I miss having you around but im my heart youre always found.
You know I remember playing guitar on the back porch, and having you come out of the house. I don't know where dad was, probably in the shed building something. I was trying to figure out chords to something. You loved to hear me play, even if it was just a simple strumming.
You always sat there with me and you cried everytime I played Keane, you use to say your girl would be seen by the masses, someday.
Thank you for believing in me, when no body else did. Not even myself. You would be so proud. I have my first show next week. Sam is coming. He told me he was anyway. He might bring some of the others. I was really good to hear from him. I miss seeing him every day. Miss talking to him about nothing. He's one of my best friends.
I wish you could meet him. I wish I could show you eveything. I wish I could have showed you apartment, and my job with Richmond that I miss so much, and I wish I could have shown you all the photos I took, and my dumb dog I named Kitty to confuse people. I wish you could have met Jamie and I wish I could have invited you to my first show.
I don't want the stage and I don't the guys, I want back the days that you were breathing in this world.
I wonder what heaven is like, you know if there I a heaven or something. I don't fucking know. I think my heaven would be sleeping in Jamie's arms. Waking up to golden sunshine in the morning and getting to lay in bed all day. Like I wanted. I miss you. So much.
I miss having you around but in my heart you're always found.
