READY OR NOT ( BUCKY X READER)

Struggle in the shadows

The world felt heavier now like at every corner he was waiting to strike , for them to take her  or kill the one she loved.  how when her eyes closed she could see that sadistic charred grin that was looking down at her .  she tried so hard not to flinch when someone moved towards the bed too quickly or  when a loud bang would make her replay the events of julia being shot in front of her.   it's not like the worried looks and glances weren't spotted it made her feel so small she was able to show hydra no fear so why couldn't she do the same with the avengers it probably would help  stop the those pity filled eyes constantly on her . she knew it was cause they cared but at the same time looking at her like a victim made her feel as such .  how she wanted to just get it all out of her head , she was scared before but this was plain just terrified .   she could of spent most of her time catching up her time with misha but she spent more time in medbay afraid to leave the safety net it  provided her. even when nat suggested a walk in the compound she felt paralyzed with fear . she really though she was going to be either their test subject or else they would of killed her .  " hey doll fury wants to come in and take a report of what happened , they real one this time" he winced. " yeah i'm not happy with you and loki , idiots " she muttered .  " we were doing society and  all a favour if you think of it" he pointed out. " ok  good for you joker but i'd rather not nearly loose my boyfriend  i can barely leave the room as the raft would be harder " she huffed . " ok  ok any ways here's your laptop how about writing the report if you can talk about , though it would help " he kissed her softly .  " that actually might be better " she sighed knowing writing the word although still hard would be alot easier than trying to tell . 

she sat laptop open her breathe shaky as she wrote waking up the first thing was that smell   , how each agent along side brock rumlow tried to get information on the avengers , how they barely fed her .  hands shaking as she talked about what injuries how they would taunt her  and the photoshopped pictures that would be shown to her of a member of team dead or  her family the ones they knew of that was  and misha trying to get her to comply .     it was like she was in the place again each time her fingers tapped away every thing that was said , how julia wanted her dead  , how she tried to kill her  then to when kevin would bring her protein bars and water , talked with her  . how he would talk about different escape plans or even chat in general so that she wouldn't lose her mind . she told how he wanted nothing in return bar his family moved somewhere safe willing to go to the raft for his own crimes even though he was threatened to do the things he did or how he just pretended to be one of them so his son would be safe . every single second and moment was put into detail like she was hoping it would stay written and out her mind . she talked of how the barrel of the guns and other weapons used  felt on her skin .  julia's breakdown , sick obsession with brock rumlow and to her demise . how rumlow used her to get Y/N  in the first place .  she didn't want to go into detail for sake of pietro knowing how he must of felt  , even when he looked at her she could tell he was blaming himself for it .  with last shaky breath she retold the story of how  kevin got her from the cell and got her out when she ran into the team . she hit the send button knowing instantly tony was going to read it before he  gave it to fury . 

closing the laptop she sat staring at the now blank screen  sort of relieved to let it all out yes she was still scared shitless but at same time it was a relief to not be holding it all in . true to her belief tony walked into the room holding the report in hand. " you ok " he stood unsurely at the foot of her bed ." yes and no " she smiled weakly . "  you'll be seeing a professional to talk about all this  " he more so ordered. " i  guessed i would " she laughed dryly . "  the team will see this but if you want i can hide it " he smiled sadly . " no they can read if they want " she nodded . " ok well i'm proud of you and thanks for not dying " he hugged her tightly and quickly before standing back. " well thanks for saving me " she smiled back . " we should of gotten there sooner , i mean if it was for yelena and  that mallet well god knows when" .  " do i even wanna know " she grimaced . " no we're still cleaning blood out of that room " he shook his head. " oh hey mr stark " doctor cho smiled. " hey sunshine your infection is gone and everything is healed so i'm happy to let you know that your free to go " she smiled brightly .  she should be happy right?  but the thought of leaving the medbay had her terrified. " barnes is training but i will get him now " tony whispered to the doctor .  " i dont want to leave , i'm safe here " she almost whispered. " your safe in the compound kid if you want i can have one of the iron legion guard your room  look i'll get bucky ok " he smiled sadly. " can you stay with her " he asked as doctor cho nodded.  

 " manchurian candidate , we need you in med bay " tony strolled into the gym . " everything ok ? " he asked confused. " she free to go but she's scared shitless giving her report i mean i can see why " he held it up . " your copy is on your desk cap " he turned to steve. "  i'll go get her " bucky rushed out . " how bad ? " nat asked biting her lip  chewing it nervously. " bad  only for that kenny guy she would of been worse " . " kevin ? " sam asked. " yeah he helped her knowing he was going to the raft all he wants is his family safe and well fury  done it off the books , he doesn't trust that their no informants in shield " he explained softly. " well i don't blame him it happened too many time " peter nodded . " yeah very true underoo, wanda and loki  you go down  sometime during the week and maybe see if you can sniff out any rats " . "  and no killing anyone " he looked pointedly to the god . "   like none of you thought of doing the same  even golden boy there has thought of it " loki scowled.  " he's not wrong i mean in the van i thought about it " steve easily agreed.   " well still stupid move on your part i mean clever pretending to be fury but still " tony rolled his eyes.  " did she , did she find out why julia did it " pietro asked sadly . " rumlow used her , she was in love with him thinking he loved her " tony sighed . " stop blaming yourself it wasn't you fault " wanda's eyes flashed red . " i left her alone with misha cause i thought she liked me , she could of took him and i'm sure she thought about it " he snapped back . " yeah she fooled us all not just you so stop blaming yourself " nat patted him on the back .