Numb to the feeling

Skin burning

Sorry for any confusion or misunderstanding in advance.

R

I threw my phone on my bed and jumped to collapsed on it right after with a long sigh. I put myself on my back and stared at the ceiling for a long time. Rubbing my forehead I exhaled and decided to take my phone.

"Fuck bro that's 2am." My best friend immediately answered.

"I'm sorry Chaer...I fucked up." I sighed.

"Why did you do again ?"

I stared at the ceiling a little longer and started to speak again. "I met her, like an hour ago. And she literally told me that she wants me to move on and I got kinda upset...I thought she was still feeling something for me...at least a little bit...I got kinda angry and maybe she really moved on too, I acted like an ass dude." I sighed and closed my eyes.

"Damn Ryu, you can't force her...it's been years. Maybe it's time for both of you to grow up in a different way." I heard her tired voice.

I closed my eyes tighter and I exhaled.

"Ok. I understand." I shortly said still upset.

We said goodbye and hung up. Before sleeping I took a cigarette between my index and middle finger and then put it between my lips. I took my lighter and lit it causing the immediate appearance of smoke and I decided to go outside and walk a little. The feeling of the smoke hitting my throat deep.

I felt relaxed.

I stared at the sky full of stars, what a beautiful view.

Will I ever move on ?

Can someone just answer my questions just once, I'm going crazy.

"Is it normal to be lost at this age ? Am I allowed to be lost at this age ? Can I just letting go everything once ? Why suddenly the life feels heavy without her ? Did we learn the right steps to different dances ?" I asked all my questions to the sky as the smoke was coming out from my mouth.

Am I allowed to cry ?

I sighed hearing nothing but the fade noise of traffic far away. I looked at the sky a last time to say goodnight to Mom and went back to the house.

.

.

.

Months has passed and,

"What the fuck is that smell ?" Yuna asked getting out of her room with a disgusted expression.

"Dowon." We replied shortly in usion.

I went to grab my shirt and put it on. Took my phone who was charging and headed to the bathroom. Tried to open it but couldn't.