Numb to the feeling

Blood

R

some weeks later.

"Hey babe here your pills." Karina said softly handing me two little white pills. I took them and nodded to her.

After the incident at the restaurant, Karina suggested me to see a therapist. I felt legitimate to accept and trust her. Karina is a good person and I can only appreciate her. We decided to get closer and formalize our relationship, knowing that at this time I think I'm doing the right choice by having someone by my side other than my family.

I still haven't really told my family about it and I spend most of my time at Karina's. Fear of disappointing them and also not being able to help them.

"You ready to go ?" Karina brought me back to Earth and I immediately stood up.

In the car, I listened to the radio. The landscapes that paraded, every second that passed, the speed made the car vibrate, my eyes that tried to hold back each landscape, the sound of the flashing that Karina released, her regular breathing, the seat belt putting a slight pressure on my chest and in the blink of an eye we arrived.

-

"Good afternoon Mrs. Shin, have a seat." My therapist Mrs. Adams said and I obeyed.

"So tell me how are you ?" She asked me as she crossed her legs and took her notebook, a maroon color.

I wiped my hands on my pants trying to make myself comfortable and started talking.

"Uhm I'm okay I guess." I said with a small voice. And she stared at me, silence filled the air. I gulped and looked at my thighs.

"Tell me Mrs. Shin, do you often talk to someone about your feelings ?" She asked still staring at me.

"Not really." I honestly answered.

"The last sessions allowed me to learn that you take care of your family, quite numerous. Your job, which is to reassure and protect people, tell me when you, you evacuate your emotions ?"

"I actually never think like that." I said scratching my finger. "That's not something I thought about. I don't think myself was my priority." I swallowed my saliva always fixing my thighs. "And I never felt the need to talk to someone about my feelings...It's a recent thing I guess." I slowly said looking up at her with my tired eyes.

She nodded and still stared at me.

"Mrs. Shin, when did you start feeling that way ? The symptoms of anxiety that you described me last time, can you tell me ?" She asked and I started to think deeply.

I continued to scratch my finger and soon it'll bleed. And I suddenly remembered when this started.

"I remember."

"Could you tell me ?"

"It was, uhm," I swallowed my saliva again and readjusted my position in the chair. "I'd say when my sister mentioned a woman." I said, my voice cracking. She then finally wrote down something in her notebook and looked back at me.

"If you remember, will you be able to tell me more about that woman that your sister mentioned ?" She asked, her pen ready to write.

I closed my eyes and scratched my finger for the last time. Blood started flowing from my finger and I felt the pain. Opening my eyes, I stared at the blood. Only my trembling breath could be heard and Mrs. Adams just waited for me.