The sweetest nightmares (Loki&Elsa and Jack&Elsa function novel)

Part 25 - mess up everything

Jack :

She was lower than usual because of what I did yesterday, I noticed,
More guilty than ever, yet I saved my emotions to myself.
I can't tell her what I know about everything,
What I feel, finally, about everything,
What I feel about her.......
Because she's all I have.
Have I?

When we started talking she got better very fast.
And I was very happy for her lighter feelings.
-"Where are you from? "
She asked when I finished my meal with her.

-"I'm from the Russian wilds, as you call us in the other ralms."
-"So your order of "the big three" is in the Russian wilds too?"
-"No, our base is close to the northern pole."
I didn't dare saying 'front'.
She looks too fragile to bear the fact that a war is raging on out there....

"All my time as a guardian I grew up in the Russian wilds, and now I am working as part of their protection force.
And,
You know......
If the kids want some snow when it's time in the winter, I give them some reason to have fun and believe in my existence."
-"What do you mean? " she asked, confused.
-"As a guardian of legends,
People should belive in your existence.
For the people who don't know me -
I'm invisible."
-"But, I didn't know you before we met when I saved you."
She got to the point.
I breathed deeply.
-"Can I tell you something? "
What did I just said....?
Oh man!
It's her....
She gets it all out of me!

-"Yes....." Her face got worried again.
Fine, I'll tell.
I already opened my cursed mouth.
I breathed heavily.
-"I was the messenger that brought you the first letter you got from our order."

-"Were you the mysterious messenger with that robe and white hair?"
She asked totally surprised, and started looking at me and compareing me to his look in her memory.
I turned around so she'll see me better.
It hurt to sit right in front of her but for my surprise,
when she touched my face as she connects my look with the messenger,
It stopped hurt.
I drowned in her eyes as the blush was spreaded on our faces, and she rushed to get her hand back.
I looked to the other side, trying to get out of the strange situation I was in.
What's wrong with me?

-"It is you. "
She said as I tried to repress the blush on my face,
But I couldn't just ignore her beautiful face.....
Amazing, how can a creatcher such as that of all people in the world see me?
See all of me,
She saw my soul.

She is curing it with her gentle access to enyone,
and wakes my interest with her deep emotions, she'll never lose.
Like an endless fountain of what I want the most,
And when they are starting to dissappear I am all filled with the impuls to save that miracle.
All her feelings are feminine.
Soft, mysterious and gentle.
Why am I attracted to her?
Why am I feeling?
Why ain't I strong enough to stop?

We were quite for the second that I thought and she got over the shock.
"But how could I see you that night? "
She broke the silence.
-"That's exactly what made me curious."

I said, the blush burning on my face for the next confession:
"I decided following you from the windows outside the castle and I saw you didn't burned the letter....."
-"Oh! Did you tell.....?"

She must have thought that I spied on her from a command, but it was from my mind only.......
-"Don't worry, I covered you."
I answered shortly and smiled to look loyal.
Yet I suspected - maybe she feels guilty, but she's a bad girl when she wants it.She is more sefisticated then she looks like.....
I thought, playful to find that kind of her and yet enjoying seeing it.

"I continued following you from the outside to the library and saw how you searched for answers.
I couldn't leave you without any idea of what's going on."
I'll never forget the mistake of the moon.
I will never leave someone without answers.
"So, I opened the window, and left you that note with the name of our order.
That's why the window handle was frozen."
I added,
Completely emberced from the illegal spying I did after the queen of Arandle yet couldn't help not to.
Then, I peered to her look and asked, almost laghting from my foolish actions that night:
"I'm stupid, ain't I?"

-"Are you siruse?
No!
You helped me so much with the understanding of everything!
Without you all my worries would have ruin my vacation in here,
I could have get crazy if I didn't know."

-"Oh!
I'm such a dumb person!"
I shouted that as I got how true it is,
Especially because I shouted next to a queen.....
Wonderful!

-"Why?"
-"If I won't have done it,
You could be free to come to our order, everyone there won't have been so stressed,
and we could trace the sorce of the power that makes people disappear from the beginning!"

-"Sorce of what.....?"
She looked terrifyed again,
and run away as usual.
As usual!
Why do I hurt everyone without noticing?
Why am I messing everything up?!

I couldn't sleep again until the middle of the night.
And I heard her crying again.
What have I done?!

I looked at the moon,
Asking for any small help it might offer.
'Not for me.' I praired in my mind.
'For Elsa. She deserves better than this.'
I opened my eyes,
Hopeless,
Sure that nothing will happen,

But suddenly,
I saw my drowning for a fragile of a second in the moon,
And like out of instinct, I knew what to do.
It's crazy, I know, but I'll risk everything.
For her.
For Elsa.

I consitrate my mind on the next floor, above me, where Elsa was crying, and activate my talent to make her happy like I did two weeks ago.
I reminded of her beautiful image,
felt another flash in my heart.
And suddenly,
she stopped crying.

-"It's okay. I am in here. "
I told myself in the darkness,
As my eyes are closed,
My hands are on my head,
And I see her, all of her,
And I want her soo much.
But I can't.
I am too cold for her.
She deserves better.

-"Sorry that all I can do is keep you cold. "
I said to her in the dark, even she couldn't hear me.
I wanted to cry but I know I'll never let myself.
I will be strong.
I will be strong for Elsa.

And when she stopped crying,
I thought that.....

Maybe she is feeling a bit better,
and it made me feel better.
So now, when she is happier,
I can sleep knowing that she is happy and safe.