The sweetest nightmares (Loki&Elsa and Jack&Elsa function novel)

Part 37 - snowflakes

Elsa:

A month looks sometimes like forever.
My heart was filled with light when I thought about him:
He took me in his arms,
He held me so tight,
He kissed me so well,
He looked at me with so much love in his eyes.
All the time we thought we could never admit how we really loved. All the time I thought I'll never love again. All my fears that were suddenly over. I would never forget how Jack saved me.
Sometimes I think of what he felt while trying not to show his love to honour his duty.
How he used to want to drown his heart in the sea, and then saw me and asked to get it back before it's too late.
What he felt while he understood he had emotions.
Did he thought he was being bad? Or felt great for such a wonderful gift?

Did he desperately wanted to return to his cold state and be emotionless before he gets caught?
Or did he craved to admit it in front of me and finally feel higher than the clouds?
Only thinking about it captures my heart.

But when it finally came true, after a moment it was gone.

-'No, don't think of such things!
He will come for you. You know he wouldn't like you to be sad when he's gone.'
I remember how he picked me up with his staff that was glowing in blue, from his energy and we flew in the sky.

We danced there under a light of a thousand stars!

He held my waist tightly as I sat on his knees and I kissed him for as long as I could.
He held me up and I flew.

It was so beautiful.
I loved him so much.
I know I do now.

But that night he left me at the palace exactly where I am now, kissing me the way it was worth to do when he leaves.

We both knew he had to leave, I knew he had to complete his oat and save the the ralms or I will be conquered with it by myself and this way we will never see each other again.

-'He will come back in less than a month. Don't worry.'
My mind tried to relax.

But I still miss him.
And while over a month had passed since then, I haven't saw him and I feel like we are never about to meet again. This is the truth.

Maybe he thought he was in love than regretted? He never knew what love meant.

Maybe he thought it will be a passing fair then dissappear?
Maybe he lied about having no emotions?
Or mabey he thinks no one should know about us so he left and tried to forget?
Maybe he thought he shouldn't have known neither?
What if he was so focused of war he forgot me?
What if he never did love me?
What if he lost the victory?

I am worried for him in the battlefield and he can't come and talk to me.

Oh, only the thought of it.
Almost as if I love him so much I can't live another minute without thinking of him. I made icicles around my dress unknowingly.

I touched them and saw they somehow weren't red like they do when I am afraid.
I was glad.
Every touch of cool ice reminds me of him.
I have the brave to walk safely outside the ice castle since he left me ,and every cold September breeze that goes through my skin reminds me of him.

Oh, how could I let myself love again?
Such worries and he might not think of me at all.

I know, I will lock my heart away for a short while, I will keep myself frozen.
If the war will end, and the ralms of the north will be safe I will go back to my castle and rule there only.
Be busy with politics and trade only.

I will go back to Arandle now. I will try as hard as I can to walk up the near mountain that was the coldest and most dangerous. And get back to my ralm. To take care of my citizens.

I will go back to Arandle , never leave it for another vacation and never talk about this again except for in front of my closest friends.

I will move on , I will keep this time forever locked out. I will forget about that.
Oh! But how can I forget Jack?
How can I hide how much we loved each other? How much I still do love him.

I stood there against the hollowing winds that crassed my face against it and whipped my tears so they could join the snowflakes as they fly in the air,

But it brought me a special gift from someone.

A snowflake.