The sweetest nightmares (Loki&Elsa and Jack&Elsa function novel)

Part 32 - I wanted to kiss him

Elsa :

As fast as I understood that it was Loki's wrong doing I gasped.

How could that be?!
I killed him,
I am the monster with the blood on my hands now.
That's what he made out of me!

Night - night the horrible gilt hunted me in my dreams,
His burning image surrounded by flames.

What did I only pray for?
Not for the horrible winter to stop,
Not for the people to forgive me,
I only wanted him to get out of my mind!
But now, it turns out not only he that my thoughts are tourchered me almost every night, now he's showing himself to the day of light too?

When does it end?

One tear ran down my face making me look down, and see Jack looking up at me and saying something.
"Are you alright?" Maybe.
I took a few steps back from the shock and so he won't see me.
But I couldn't hold the tears and smile from what I just saw.

I ran away up to the second floor and hoped no one will notice.

After my shock ended I started hearing a few sounds that came to words I recognised, said by the voice of... Jack.

- "Elsa, where are you going?

Elsa?
Elsa!
Talk to me!"
I heard him running up the stairs too, but didn't had the courage to look at his worried face and surly not after he'll see mine
I do him a favour.
He shouldn't bare this.

I slammed the door closed behind me and hid myself behind it, as I cupped my face to hide the tears, but there's no way that the touch could lie.
They were wet and vibrating from the fear.
I need to relax.
Conceal. Don't feel. Don't let him know.
How?!

-"How?" I repeated the question silently and with a broken voice, then
I slipped down to the floor putting my hands down knowing there's no way for me to hide it.
I sat with my back to the door so he won't come in and cried softly to myself.

I heard him running forwards the door from the other side all thrilled of what just happened and worried so he breathed heavily to the and then screamed behind the door of worry:
"Why do you shut me out?"

He knocked on the door with his fists so I'll open it but I just kept weeping in frustration.
He wants to help, but how can he?

-"No!
Please leave me alone!
You will not understand! For what I did even heaven won't forgive."
I shrink myself to the side, he must know, he's my friend I can't keep things away from him, I like him too much for not sharing things with him.
Suddenly,
I heard one door opens, because I didn't had my back on it avoiding him getting in.

I heard him getting in and kneeling next to me.
He called my name and only his voice calmed me down and made me feel better.

-"Look, Elsa I don't know what you did, I don't judge you either.
All I know is-"
He sat with his back to the wall next to me too and looked at me while saying :

"You need to know something,
Maybe everybody won't..... but I will.
And I will watch and guard you until the rest of my life."

I looked up to him, confused.
He cupped my face with his hands and wiped my tears with his thumb.

His look said everything;
I can't shut him out of me,
He is the only one who ever understood me, he is the only one who wasn't afraid of my powers or could be hurt by them, he is the only one who saw who I really am, and he looked like he saw something beautiful beyond any imaginable.

Oh, I can't just leave him alone.
I like him too much for that!

I faced the truth and hugged him.
My face was close to his chest where I could feel his accelerating heart beat and even tho he was cold I could smell the wild smell of his skin and that blue jacket of his that made me feel safer.
He will never hurt me.
I am sure.