Things Your Mother Never Told You

I'm Only Here for the Popcorn.

Let me tell you something about first dates. It could either go awesome, or they could go horribly wrong.

My first date was in 6th grade.

I didn't even know it was a date! All I was doing was going to the movies with one of my friends and then she turns to me and tells me "Surprise! You go with Morgan, I go with Timmy. And you can't run now because my mom already left."

We saw Dolphin Tale, and my "date" cried for almost the whole movie. Which isn't a bad thing, it was a sad movie. But he got all the popcorn soggy, and that is a bad thing. No one likes soggy popcorn.

After the date, he talked passionately about dolphins while my friend made out with Timmy. I mean, she was really getting in there. Tongue and all. I'm not sure how she was breathing.

So, it wasn't as bad as other dates go.

When you go on your first date, dress accordingly. Movies are usually the best places for first dates. It's dark, and you don't have to talk. So don't wear a full on ball gown, okay?

When going on your first date, don't worry. It's not the hardest thing you will have to endure in life. It's just a date. Just have fun, talk about things, and don't you dare bring up the time you shot chocolate milk out your nose.

Don't worry, you'll do fine.

But if your friend tricks you into a date, just run as fast as you can. RUN!