Heathens (being edited )

Chapter Five

Oakley

On the following Saturday, I had spent my day as how I spent all of my other Saturday's. But somehow, with a little twist.

The day was rather chilly comparing to the other days in the week so I found myself wearing navy green cotton leggings and a grey GAP pullover jacket. I was laying down comfortably in the couch whilst eating a bowl of nachos and waiting for my mother to come in from her night shift. I also kept myself busy by watching an old classic I had found on my mom's dresser.

When it had just reached the climax, the familiar sound of keys clattering together against the door made me glance to the door with a smile. My mother strutted in with two grocery bags in hand as she shook of her shoes off her feet. "Night Oak" she said in a tired sigh, her blue eyes wandering away from me, and my smile fell a bit as I looked at her.

"Mom? Are you okay?" I said rising out of the couch to go to her and she looked me a bit weirdly causing me to pause in my tracks. I felt alienated looking at the look I was receiving and a shudder ran up my aching back as she glanced away. "Sorry. I'm just tired" she explained quietly offering me the bag I was gonna take from her and I took the burdens from her , ignoring my screaming shoulder blades.

"Oh. Okay" I said through a grimace dismissing the look she gave me as I carried the grocery bag to the kitchen whilst limping. I lifted it with a muffled groan and placed it on top of the kitchen island. Once I was finished, I tried to calm my heavy breathes as I pressed a hand to my mouth to silence my coughs. "Back?"she asked me distantly as she strode in with ease but a discomforted look on her face and a nodded through coughs.

Each cough racked my aching body with spasms and my face contorted at the odd metallic taste that had found its way on my tongue. "Oh" is all she responded as she watched me then she looked away to unpack the groceries. Trying to get her motherly attention and also to make an attempt to eliminate the unexpected tension between us, I began to remove the items from the bag as well.

I took out a large dish of cranberries, but with another fit of spastic coughing, the dish slid out of my hand and berries were rolling all over the ground. My eyes widened at my mistake and I looked up at my mother who had paused her unpacking to look to the mess around us. "Shoot.Sorry mom. I'll-" I began to say but with a flat look from her I silenced my attempts of apologizing.

"Oakley. You should probably got to bed. You're not in your best of states currently"she addressed me then glanced away from me, and in her actions and words I had picked out a hint of annoyance. Noticing that it probably wasn't the best time to persist on fixing my mistake, I exited the room squishing cranberries under my feet as I left.

When I made my way upstairs, and to my room my eyes had already began to brim with tears. I was used to alienation from my peers and other people, but not from my own mother. What was the use of me being in the world when everyone thought I didn't belong in it? Why was I even born? I pushed away the thoughts for a while and made my way in front of my closet's window then I pulled off my jacket.

The air was cold and wandering over my bare aching back but I ignored it as I turned my back to the mirror and glanced over my shoulder to the reflection. The projected bumps were getting larger and harder. They weren't bumps you could squeeze, they were bumps that felt like additional bones. Additional bones that were ruining my life. I rubbed my hand against one and due to the pain I arched my back away from my own hand.

I bit down on my bottom lip to stop muffle a whimper but soon the only thing I wanted to do was burst into sobs. Not only sob, I began to think of other thoughts I had been trying to avoid for a very long time. One mainly being the need to end all the pain and trouble I was putting people through just by being alive. And I realized I didn't have to be alive. There were so many ways to correct the wrongs, my wrongs.

Endless options and opportunities.

There were pills, poison, cutti-

As I began to think of the options, my stomach began to churn with sickness and disgust.

'Don't you dare do anything to yourself' I thought and my breath hitched in shock.

But no. I didn't think it. If I had thought it myself I wouldn't be surprised by the diversity of my thoughts. Then I realized what I most have did. Since no one cared, I tried to imagine or at least create the words that a good friend would say to me. I looked forward, away from the mirror, and immediately my wet eyes has met with the full moon outside my window.

It was white like the light it gave off, but there was a blue depth to it making it look crystal blue.

Like his eyes

And like that I immediately began to think of him. How great he looked, how well he seemed to be with words, how he managed to master socializing and how much I wanted him in my life. I wanted him to talk to me. Not because he has to, but because he wants to. I wanted him to not alienate me like everyone else. I wanted him to want me.....to be his friend at least.

But the truth is that was completely impossible.

Nobody wanted a red headed girl that seemed three years younger that she really was. The girl that couldn't do anything right.

So for the moment I had no one on my side.

No one but the moon and the platinum haired boy that still had to pick which side he was on.

Just me, him and the moon.

{a/n: hey guys. I hope you liked this update. Also please don't forget to check out zombie girl that is being edited and my back-up account erwhen Have a good day/night !!}