The Third Annual Writer's Game: Roots

Ab Initio | Scores

I am very impressed at this batch of tributes! You all show so much potential and I love all your characters already that it will be sad (and is sad) to have to see some of you go. Saying that, here are your scores. Remember to look at the scoring rubric on the Rules chapter, as I scored in accordance with my own thoughts and the scoring rubric. If you got a score lower than you may have expected, it is not that I hated your entry, but that it had some areas of improvement. Scores in the 7-9 range are what are to be expected.

D1 Female - Crystal Caverly - 8

NOTES: Little things, like not capitalizing District One, or Ara asking if she was reaped, and some missing words, were the main things that detracted from this otherwise good entry. I liked her character, which I think was well-presented in the interview. However, I found this entry to be far too much 'tell' and not enough 'show'. Description was lacking, as it often happens in interviews, and by the end the dialogue seemed to be the only driving force behind the entry, which is alright, but it did not do much for me to actually enhance the entry. Next time, try to focus more on the descriptive forces behind the setting, her personality, and her vicinity rather than quick notes on her dress or appearance.

D1 Male - AIDYL DESPERADO - 8

NOTES: This was a very average entry. I noticed several flaws with commas or misplaced words, but it wasn't so bad to detract from the entry. Your character didn't seem to have very much to show. He seems like an interesting character, granted, especially near the end, however there was so little description I was left grappling with missing information. Why were sponsors in the Training Center? You only introduced Mena after you had Aidyl and her together, which was confusing though I can accept that as waiting for the right moment, however you suddenly had her appear with him. Overall, the tone was nice but next time use more description. It felt a bit bland in that we didn't get to see or understand Aidyl much more beyond his parents and the bit at the end with sponsors. Everything could go just a bit farther to thoroughly enhance this entry and future entries could be right there at the top should you work on expanding character development and description.

D2 Female - Hermia Palentinius - 10

NOTES: A quick note before I share my praise is that 'gaging' should be spelled 'gauging', however the dictionary says gage is a not-often-used form of gauge, so maybe just ignore it? Anyways, the one line: "The best thing to feel is nothing" is probably one of the best lines ever, and I think it suits Hermia perfectly. Saying that, while I loved the banter and characterization of Allion, the dialogue is often not totally convincing, and feels very formal. However, I already love Hermia's personality and you show it skillfully in this entry, without showing or telling too much of anything. You also have a talent for humorous sarcasm (what a surprise!) which makes this entry a joy to read. (Also, the interviewer is Ara Ursa)

D2 Male – Allion "Alpine" Lapine - DEAD

Allion "Alpine" Lapine, aged seventeen, perished after a freak accident caused a malfunction on the Training Centre roof. Information has not been released on why the roof was open or why Mr. Alpine was up there. Attempts to revive him proved futile and he perished in the early morning hours of 0607. No replacement will be found. Footage of the Bloodbath will be directed away from Mr. Alpine and his death will be revealed to Panem as a bloodbath death.

D3 Female – Paige Chromadell – 9

NOTES: This entry was nicely written. That's how I could describe it. I found the beginning to be a bit dramatic though, of course I understand her mother was murdered, but the events and memory recollection seemed like it could have done better somewhere else, rather than throwing the information out there at the very beginning. I also found that the beginning held a lot of 'I's' or general sentences that seemed awkward when reading. Varying sentences would do you well, as the character already has great potential. I loved the characterization of Red, although I found the constant referring of Ara to A-ranbow to be a bit off-putting, as it detracted from the dialogue. Next time, I would work on tone and trying to push yourself to step out of your comfort zone in writing, as this entry seemed like a nice starting point where you can rebound off for future purposes. One of the reasons I assigned this task was to see how people would write when faced with this broad option, and I found you could have done far more had you focussed on one thing—either the training or the interview—more, so that we may have gotten a better understanding and characterization and description out of it than having it thin out at the end. Try to focus your topics, but this was a solid entry for the first task.