The Third Annual Writer's Game: Roots

Familia Supra Omnia | QF | Byes and Voting

I'm so incredibly proud of these entries. You guys brought you're a-game, and these were some of the best that I've read within the game so far. As noted in the task, cumulative scores no longer matter. Four people will be receiving byes at the end of this chapter, and each one of you got notes. You should all be very proud of getting so far and for improving so much. Without further ado, the notes.

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D3 Female - Paige Chromadell

I'm a bit disappointed in this entry, though the premise and plot was lovely as always. However, there were so many grammar and occasional spelling mistakes that eventually made it almost impossible for me to read. There were a lot of missing commas or miswritten tags in dialogue. I liked how you had the video, but even though it didn't follow the task exactly, I liked the uniqueness employed, even if your choice of loved one was predictable. For future reference, I would suggest trying to edit grammar more thoroughly as well as trying to play with a different feel/tone/character rather than going the easy way by choosing her sister (I would have liked to see her father give the news, as I think that would've given a more dramatic feel). Overall, though, an effort commendable due to the plot.

D4 Female - Jacqueline "Jackie" Ecclestone

For a Quarter Finals entry, this was incredibly short. It was effective nonetheless, and I quite adored the ending paragraphs where she mused it was the best day of her life, but there was very little else to show. There were some major tense changes in the first paragraph, and a few grammar errors, which could have probably been minor issues had they not taken up around a quarter of the entry. I was hoping to see more of her development, and with the time allotted was hoping to see a more drawn-out, plotted entry.

D5 Male - Leo Tolstoy

I quite appreciated the fact that you didn't include the whole letter in your entry. It was a nice touch and you added enough detail about the letter's contents where the entry didn't feel stale without it or cluttered with it. You never specified the fact his father knew about Natasha, though, which was one thing that threw me off. Otherwise, though, this was a technically flawless, wonderful entry. If I could suggest anything for a future task, I would suggest more description about surroundings, but this entry honestly was a perfect balance of nearly everything, so there's that. Also, I loved the entire flashback about Natasha, as you skilfully weaved characters and plotline together to make something lyrical and harmonic to read.

D6 Female - Valentine Oceanfall

This was a well-formed entry that encompassed a good portion of time. I especially liked the ending, where she ended up using, I believe, the venom on herself. Saying that, however, the entire death and letter seemed a bit melodramatic, a bit too unrealistic, and her reaction to it was a bit lackluster. I was hoping to see more of a development, and more of an explanation and response to the letter than her reaction to just deal with it and move on. Overall, though, this was a well-written entry, but next task requires more development and more fluency in events if you wish to keep up. (Also, it seems a bit odd her sister is writing about the death rather than her parents).

D7 Female - Aspen Summers

New Cards Against Humanity Card: "Incest?" I'm kidding, and also even though I guessed at the beginning it would be her brother (after the whole bit about her wanting a letter from him), it was still devastating and it's FINE I didn't need the remnants of my heart anyway. This was a lovely, descriptive entry, and though I felt it (and many of your other entries) rely too heavily on description, I found the letter from Chris to be the glue that stuck this together. Next task, I would suggest on delving more into the actual surroundings/outer world of Aspen. I know the opening established it, but that was all it was: an establishment to set the story. You focused almost entirely on her inward monologue in this task, and if you mastered both the inner an outer worlds of Aspen, it would bring your entries one step higher.

D8 Male - Roscoe Wayland

This is a gorgeous entry. I loved how you gradually had it turn from fire to darkness, and it was a wonderful descriptor to include as the base of the entry. And then you hit me with the mother thing and I can't deal. Saying that, though, this was meant to be a letter task that was also meant to include the bit about the death, and not the whole "if you get this it means I've died". I had the requirements in the task so that I could see not only the devastation within the letter itself, but of hearing it from someone else. However, the overall feel and tone was just right for this entry, and I adored it otherwise.

D9 Male- Follin Ryme

WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST DO TO ME. I actually cannot deal with you right now because you know what it was all nice and sad about his stepfather or whoever and the unborn baby anD THEN YOU HIT ME WITH THAT. NO. You are an evil, evil, person, who writes brilliantly. I literally cannot deal with any aspect of your entry right now save for me to tell you there was like one or two grammar/spelling errors but that was it. I'm done. 100% done.

D11 Male - Jeffrey R. Beers

That ending line got me feeling some sort of devastation. I loved how you played on the past task's events, and how you played to the realistic side of who would be dead and why. Saying that, though, something felt off about the entry, perhaps it was simply the fact I didn't get much more than the reaction of it rather than more about his mother and father. Regardless of that, though, this was an incredibly effective entry in setting the tone for a future entry. More overall description of the movements of his mother (though her appearance/weeping was very well done) or an elaboration on a memory of his father would have been nice, but this was a solid entry and one that was very, very effective. Just be sure not to overdo the dialogue where she's stuttering, a simple tag like "she stuttered nearly incoherently" would work for one of them.

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And with that, the moment you all have been waiting for (or scrolled down to see). Four people are awarded byes, and the other four are up for votes.

THOSE WHO MOVE STRAIGHT ON TO SEMI FINALS: EX NIHILO NIHIL FIT, ARE:

Leo Tolstoy of District Five

Aspen Summers of District Seven

Follin Ryme of District Nine

and Jeffrey R. Beers of District Eleven.

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This means that...

District Three, Paige Chromadell,

District Four, Jacqueline  "Jackie" Ecclestone,

District Six, Valentine Oceanfall,

and District Eight, Roscoe Wayland,

are up for votes.

FROM THE FOUR PEOPLE ABOVE, VOTE FOR THE TWO YOU WANT TO SEE ELIMINATED. ONLY TWO WILL MOVE ON TO SEMIFINALS.

Voting closes May 1, 10pm GMT. May the odds be ever in your favour.