HYPNOTIC ✗ rucas

4.9; "I remember."

R I L E Y

The pain was engulfing my every breath, my every move. I didn't think that someone I didn't even know, would have such a strong impact on me. But he's not just someone.

He will never be, just someone.

I clasped my arms around my waist, pressing down roughly to try and make the agonizing pain disappear. But it wouldn't go away. It wouldn't stop, it's everything I've been inhaling and exhaling the past two days. Over and over, like toxic smoke running through my lungs, every moment.

My mind was blurry, I couldn't think straight or clearly. The burning tears rolled down my cheeks like an overflowing river, I was a mess, I was broken. I clutched the palm of my hand around the locket of the necklace he had given to me, I was the girl he loved most in this world, why can't I say the same back? Why can't I remember all of those breathless moments he had told me. Why?

I tried to keep my shaking body still, as I sat on my lonely bay window, staring out at the world passing me by. It was days like these that it hurt to be alive, that it hurts to even open your eyes.

I held my breath for a moment, as my eyes slowly came to a close, as a tear escaped and fell down into my hand slowly.

The burning memory of last night echoed throughout my mind, it was never ending.

"Goodbye, Riley."

I felt the pain sting throughout my veins, as the sound of my heart cracking even more every second was beginning to be my theme song. It won't go away.

"I'm not trying to hurt you."

"I know. Which is why I have to let go,"

I felt my chest cave in, as I let out a loud cry. I helplessly covered my face with my hands, not holding anything back. There was nothing for me to lose anymore.

I bit down on my one of my fingernails as I let out a shaky breath, the whimpering sound of my cries escaping my lips. I slowly opened my bloodshot eyes, the very dim light showing throughout my curtain made my head snap to my other side, as I stared across my room. I let another tear roll down my cheek, as I curled my knees up close to my chest. I stared out into the darkness of my room for awhile, until, the sun suddenly shone through a crack in the curtains, as it reflected off of my mirror and down onto my floor.

That's when I noticed something.

My cries were silent, and before I knew it, I was suddenly holding my breath. I stared longingly at the object that was surrounded by the beaming light of the sun, it was my journal.

"Oh my gosh." I choked out, my own voice sounding foreign. I haven't spoken in a day, I've been  crying non-stop and I barely even recognized myself.

I quickly stood up, as I slowly walked over towards the shining light, before I bent down and picked up the thing I had been searching for, for days. But as I did so, something fell out. And down onto the floor again. I furrowed my eyebrows, as I quickly picked it back up, before I realized what it was.

It was the envelope Lucas had given to me the other night. I held my breath, before I walked back over to my sacred bay window and sat down. I bundled my legs up close to my chest, before I set the journal and note in my lap.

                                                                                          L U C A S

I sucked in a sharp breath, before I exhaled, but the same agonizing pain was still there. I rubbed my puffy eyes, I was a complete, broken mess. I haven't been able to stop crying, no matter how hard I tried. Nothing was the same anymore, but I had to let go. I bit my lip to try and real-eave some pain, but it was hopeless, nothing could heal the wound in my heart.