Body Language. Queen

Just Like Freddie.

Rogers P.O.V.

I heard Freddie walk in after me and watched him as he eyed up Brian with a mixture of extreme want and sadness in his eyes.

He turned and went into the little booth opposite our set up where the mixing desks were kept, I kept glancing up at him every few minutes in between my drum practice.

He was one of my best friends and I'd known him long enough to know when something was bothering him.

Especially since he was usually a flamboyant, cheeky, hyperactive soul and when there was something the matter he was awfully quiet and distant.

I would never say this to Freddie or even ask him about it...but I knew he was lonely. And it was getting to him.

He wanted Brian. He's wanted him for years. I'm surprised Brian doesn't know yet, considering Freddie usually didn't give up on anything until he had exactly what he wanted. But with Brian...he hasn't even really started to try and get him.

It's always the sly seductive look he gives him when Brian isn't looking, or the way he forgets to listen to him and just stares at him dreamily instead.

Don't get me wrong, it's not like Freddie has any trouble in getting people, I'd say more than three times a week he tells us about someone he pulled at a bar the night before, took them back to his and did whatever he does to them...male or female...Freddie tells us in great detail about his sex life...some details we wish he would keep to himself. But even when he's acting out the scenes to us, there's always that shaded glimmer of dissatisfaction in his eyes...like something was missing.

Like an actual partner.
Meaning. Not just sex with
strangers to fulfil a need...doing it with somebody he truly loves and cares about.

Our Freddie, believe it or not is quite the romantic actually.

"Roger? Can you just give us a slow beat? We want to try something." Brian said, making me turn away from Freddie.

"Oh, yeah sure." I answered and began to hit a drum in a slow steady rhythm and watched as Brian and John began to play together.

I guess in a way I was in the same boat as Freddie when it came to me and John.

I don't know what it was or where it came from but one day it just dawned on me...that John made me feel different. At first I thought it was because we're very close friends and I was just enjoying his company. But then I found myself thinking about him when I was at home on my own, then liking being on my own with him and getting annoyed when Freddie or Brian came over to join. And then to the point where I just want to look at him. All the time.

I tried to ignore the signs, that I may fancy him, I'd never been one to think I was...gay, before. I had always been notoriously known as the 'Ladies Man' amongst us, I was still trying to play that role, I wasn't ready to give into myself and tell John yet...maybe I was just like Freddie.

Just like when I can tell when there's something bothering Freddie, he can tell when there's something bothering me too.

He captured me when I was alone one day and was all like, "Roger. What's the matter with you?"
He never has been one to deal with other people's emotions well, it kinda scares him, I think, that's why he'd rather resolve a situation with humour than sympathy.
I explained to him after many 'I'm okay, Fred' and 'I'm fine' answers as he wouldn't let me be before I confessed.
I told him how I was feeling and the whole time he had this small smile on his face, his eyes twinkled and he looked absolutely elated, he rested his chin in the palm of his hand.
When I had finished he just rose from his chair, that smile still on his face, I thought he was about to leave the room but instead he just closed the door and span back around to face me, he leant against the wall with his arms crossed until he broke out into a full on grin and a little giggle.
He stared at me with squinted eyes and that bloody grin and said, "Roger...you like him!" He span around laughing and threw his arms in the air, "You like John!"
I stared at him petrified, Freddie clarified it for me that day. I indeed, did like John.
The last thing Freddie said to me before I made him swear not to tell a soul about it?
"Oh my god. We can go to gay bars together!"

I was still playing the beat, watching John, I loved the way he bobbed up and down when playing his bass, he compliments everyone on their musical skills all the time, Brian's guitar playing, my drumming, Freddie's singing and piano playing. I take care to compliment him too, when we're not arguing of course.

And Freddie was right. I did love to argue with John. I loved watching him get angry, but he never got so angry he actually full on yelled at somebody. I wanted him to. And for some reason...I wanted that somebody to be me.