Body Language. Queen

Whirlwind Romance.

Freddie's P.O.V.

I looked up at him slowly and he had the most helpless look on his face whilst his eyes bore into my very soul.

"Don't be silly, Bri. There's no need to worry." I said, slightly awkwardly.

He rushed over and sat down opposite me at the table, "It seems you've pushed some memories so far to the back of your mind you simply don't remember them occurring at all." He said softly.

I glanced at him before looking back down, I knew what he was getting at, I had not forgotten about these memories, just made the decision to never think about them again. They churned my very stomach. It had been a disgusting, awful time in my life and I was and am the first person to admit that I had dealt with the situation in the very worst way possible.

"I was worried, Fred...because the last time that you came here for the night, it wasn't work related. And me thinking that we have nothing to work on currently, made me think you'd..." his voice trailed off.

"I have no reason to do that again, Brian. I was in a dark place, one that I am no longer in." I said sternly, through gritted teeth.

"Well, I know that now. I just needed to come and check on you, to put my mind at rest." His voice was shaky.

I stood up, "Well here. Look. I'm fine. Stop worrying." I glared at him and walked away to sit at the mixing booth desk. Angry at how he'd brought this up for no fucking reason at all.

He followed me in and leaned against the desk, "Well just promise me...promise me you'll never do that to yourself again." He said, desperately.

"I promise! Jesus Christ. I am no longer in that mental state. I am happy. But if you keep going on about it I won't be, shut the fuck up." I playfully punched him in the ribs, partly because I actually wanted to but I also didn't want to argue so pretended to be playful.

"Right. Well, good. Do you want a cup of tea?" He asked, sounding rather foolish.

"Yes please..." I answered.

He disappeared over to the tea station and thanks to him bringing it up, my mind wandered back to the awful times he was talking about.

I was young and stupid. It was years ago. But sometimes when I thought about it, it seemed like only yesterday.

I was newly open about being gay, had a few flings and shit, had that wild love affair with Rory...then we went on tour. We went to Japan...it was brilliant times and then we did America for the first time.

We were there for a few months and never did I expect anything to happen but I went through such a whirlwind romance in our short time there I was absolutely adamant I was completely and utterly in love and thought that he was the one, the one.

It was like a fairytale, we met the first day we got there and we were together until we had to leave, he worked in the hotel we were staying at, helped me take my bags up to my room, brought us all room service...he was gorgeous.

We got talking and things went so fucking quickly it's all a blur, we went out the second night and by the time a week had gone by we considered ourselves an item. I still remember the shivers I got down my spine whenever I heard those three knocks on my hotel door and his chiming voice "Room Service..." of course...my room service was a lot different to what everybody else was getting...nobody else had this little hotel worker in their bed almost every night.

I gave him exclusive backstage access to all of the shows we were performing at and bought him many expensive gifts...still, even though I thought I was indefinitely infatuated with the man, I still never kissed him. And for that, I shall be forever relieved.

I was fucking heartbroken when the time came to say goodbye and we had come back home, I was so close to asking him to come with me so that we could be together forever. But I didn't, and again, really bloody relieved. I begged him to write to me and to stay in touch, I wrote to him every week for months...and never got a single letter back, to this day, I haven't gotten a thing. I was devastated, until one day...Roger came over to my house and slammed a newspaper on the table, there was picture of his face on the cover, PRISON FOR THE FRAUD it screamed, I read the article, it reeled off the many many names of other celebrities he had also allegedly 'fallen in love with' and stole money from, pretended to love them and have them buy him gifts...my name at the very top of this sorry looking list. I had been used. The bastard had never even worked at the fucking hotel. He was just pretending. He faked his devotion to me just for my money...for the gifts I had bought him. It was all fake.

It hit me hard. I had been convinced that it was love and we were meant to be. And that's when I started coming to the studio night after night, to drink away my pain and numb myself with cocaine.

And that's what Brian was talking about, he walked in one morning and found me slumped on the floor, a bottle in my hand and completely off on drugs...he thought I was dead. He had to call an ambulance, my stomach had to be pumped, the doctors thought I was going to loose my life.

It was a wake up call, really. I sorted myself right out, I was and am always so careful now about who I fall for.

Maybe it's why I find it so difficult to let people get close to me now. Maybe that's why I liked sex without the emotional shit for so long. Of course, I still like to get absolutely trollied and have drugs now and again but as I admitted, I was really fucking stupid. And weak, so fucking weak.

And that's why it's never brought up in conversation, the boys no not to talk or joke about it, I've finally pushed it to the back of my mind. As I said, I'm happy now, I'm over that part of my life completely.

"There you go." A steaming cup of tea was placed in front of me and I looked up at Brian and cracked into a grin.

He saw my cheesy smile, "What?" He giggled.

"Nothing, darling. Nothing..." I smiled, he was a nice thing to look at after thinking about that ghastly human being.

It was quiet for a moment as we both sipped our tea, "Oh yeah...Deaks and Rog fucked each other earlier." I suddenly said.

"What?! How do you know?!" He asked, giddy.

"Because the reason they left the shopping out was obviously because they wanted to make the most of a free house...that...and Roger walked out of Deaky's room with sex hair and my fucking lube in his hand."

"Yours?! Cheeky fuckers! Well it's about bloody time they got down to it, thought it was never going to happen." He chuckled.

"I know. Roger thought it was shit though."

"Shit?!" He gasped.

"Well, no. Not shit, he enjoyed it but he said it wasn't as good as he was expecting..." I cackled, Brian's face was a picture.

"What the hell was he expecting? Pure bliss on the first go? It's like shoving a cucumber through the eye of a needle, it's not great the first few times." He laughed.

"Oooo! Look at you mister fuck-it-all. Since when are you an expert?" I joked.

"I'm not really. I've never taken it." He blushed, hiding his face with his cup.

"And if Charlie is the only one you've ever fucked then fuck your cucumber and needle theory. With that slut it was probably more like throwing a cocktail sausage into a cave." I looked over to see his face in his hands, laughing hard.

And of course that instantly made me want to be the first one to fuck Brian but I was certainly getting ahead of myself there, fuck machine Mercury had a slight little resurface, had to bury him again, pronto.

But me being me...I had to have a little go, "Don't worry, dear. You'll get it up the arse soon. So...this umm...this date we're going on...where are you taking me?" I winked and sat back in my chair.