Body Language. Queen

Chaos And Upset.

Freddie's P.O.V.

Things had gone tits up.

John was still timid around Roger and refused to be in the same room as Patrick...yes, Patrick was still on the scene. No, Roger had not gotten rid of him which meant only one thing, Roger and John were still not talking.

I doubt their relationship would ever be back to normal after all this.

I also doubt mine and Rogers friendship would ever be normal again, not after that...not after he kissed me.

He fucking kissed me! Every time I thought about it my blood boiled and I found myself wiping at my lips, ferociously trying to rid the feeling of his unwelcome saliva on them...even though the whole thing happened a week ago.

I still couldn't believe it, the cheek of him. After everything he had caused, all the chaos and upset, he thought he'd make the situation worse, not only by jeopardising his relationship with Deaky by hiring Patrick, but basically cheating on him by planting an unpleasant kiss upon me.

Did he even want John at all? Because he was going the right way to getting rid of him for good.

The poor devil doesn't know whether he's coming or going. He doesn't know whether to try and make up with Roger but then thinks, why should I, whenever he sees Roger having a laugh with Patrick.

Patdick more like, what a fucking cock end that mongrel was. He was zero percent interested in Roger, all he was wanting to do was slither on over to John when the drummer wasn't looking, like the absolute snake he is.

The discomfort on Johns face was almost permanent now, I don't blame him, to say he was having to put up with a guy that tried to physically control him with abuse everyday because of his boyfriend, I would say he was taking it pretty well, even though I could see the cracks appearing and knew he was crumbling on the inside.

John and Roger were being civil to each other, but because they had to be. We were a band, we were still performing shows near on every night, our shows were slacking a little because of the feuds going on but everyone was still working hard and coming to the practises thankfully, I didn't think that would happen...it was just fucking frustrating that there was this atmosphere between us all thick enough to make barriers that we couldn't seem to get over.

I still couldn't look Rog in the eye, still didn't want him to stand too closely to me as I thought he was just going to lunge at me again and kiss me...he'd tried apologising multiple times, but I didn't buy it one little bit, if he didn't mean it, he would have never done it in the first place...it just makes me shudder to think that he might still fancy me after all that drama we went through some weeks ago...for fuck sake, he knows too well how I feel about kissing people, how I held out for years until I had Brian in my grasp, to make him my first and only kiss. Now he'd ripped that second kiss away from me...not that I planned nor wanted to kiss anyone else anytime soon apart from Brian...but god forbid if anything happened between us, I would have liked to carry on waiting until I thought I found the right person again and save my second kiss for them. Now I couldn't do that, it may have only been a peck on the lips but it was still a kiss...now Roger will always be the second guy that I ever kissed...and that wasn't fair.

I also had this enormous amount of guilt clouding over me, Roger had kissed me, yes, only for a nano second, but a kiss is a kiss...so had I been unfaithful to Brian?

I had changed myself drastically to be with him, stopped being a total fucking manwhore so I could be completely and utterly faithful to Brian...now, through no fault of my own, had all my hard work been for nothing? Has one measly little, unwanted kiss thrown everything away for me? Did it mean I wasn't loyal to Brian? I didn't initiate the kiss, didn't even realise what had happened until it was all over with, it wasn't my fault, so why did I feel so bad?