Body Language. Queen

He's Not A Mind Reader.

Freddie's P.O.V.

John and myself waved Roger out of the door and were left in the studio together.

"You alright then Fred? Not had chance to talk to you much today." The youngest one in the band asked me as he zipped up his bass bag and hoisted it up onto his back.

I sighed dramatically, "I guess so, John, how about you?"

"Ahh I'm alright, can't complain." He chuckled.

I loved having conversations with John, sometimes it was just what I needed, the simple, lighthearted types that always made me feel better as John always seemed to be in a good mood.

I smiled, grabbing my leather jacket and my sunglasses, putting them on ready to leave.

"How are you and Brian?" Johns voice was quizzical now as I turned to him slowly, wondering whether I should lie and say that we're fine, or tell him the same as I did Roger.

I decided on the latter.

"Umm...we're good, we're always just good Deaky, always just the same, just...friends." My voice was slightly bitter as I made my way towards the door, holding it open for John as he followed and flicking off the lights.

"He still doesn't know?" He asked as we began to walk through the car park.

I shook my head, staring straight ahead.

"When are you going to give him some kind of clue, Fred? You're getting yourself down because he's oblivious to the fact that you like him. He's not a mind reader. You need to help him out and make him understand." John dug around in his coat pocket looking for his car keys.

For god sake, why were John and Roger so knowledgable...or was it because I was just ignoring that fact.

I stared at John, unknowingly to him as my sunglasses were covering my eyes. He'd hit the nail on the head.

"Deaky...you're bloody right."

He chuckled, "I bloody know I am! Where's your car Fred?" He looked around the car park.

"Oh! I walked this morning, it was nice weather, thought I'd take advantage of it."

"You want a lift back to your place?" He offered, opening his car door, about to get in.

"Oh no no, I'm okay thank you, I could use this fresh air to clear my head..."

"Okay, well give that mind of yours a rest. I'll see you at Level tonight." He nodded at me.

I chuckled, "Okay darling, see you later!"

I started to walk out of the car park and Deaky peeped his car horn at me, waving as he drove past, of course, I waved back.

I walked down the street, it was early evening and the slight warmth of early spring was beginning to disappear. The sun was still shining, I was glad of the lighter nights that were coming. I hated sitting all alone in my house with it being dark and miserable outside. I hope the lighter nights will make being alone feel less, well...lonely.

I lit up another cigarette and crossed the road, doing the exact opposite of what John had told me to do and filling my mind with numbing thoughts...all of them about Brian which I was beginning to hate. I couldn't do anything without it making me think of him. From the obvious things like writing music to the outrageous things like buying clothes and wondering if Brain would like they way they look on me.

Not that he'd care.
I wish I didn't care. I don't usually. I do what I want and don't give a fuck but...lately I'm living to impress Brian and grab his attention.

I wish he was coming out with us tonight but then again I didn't want him there, like Roger said, I had to get him off my mind. I was simply going mad.

I would go to Level tonight with all intentions of forgetting Bri. I was going to get dangerously drunk, high...and I'm going to bring someone home with me.

It sounds ridiculous. It is ridiculous. But that was me. I didn't like it, I used to love it...but now I just do it for a distraction. To get my needs fulfilled and over and done with.

Besides...I had my flamboyant reputation to keep up amongst the boys.

I walked up the steps to my home and unlocked the door, imagining Brian coming out of the living room and walking down the hallway to me, arms wide open and saying, 'Freddie! You're home! I've missed you...' then taking me into his arms.
But instead, I found myself staring down the empty hallway of the incredibly empty house.

I closed the door behind me and took off my sunglasses and leather jacket, catching my reflection in the mirror in the hallway and looking at myself...I messed about with my hair a little, maybe I should cut it. Get something new. It was just past my shoulders now, I'd forgotten what I looked like with short hair.

I rubbed my fingers over my chin and scratched at the stubble that was beginning to form...I'd definitely have to shave before going out tonight.

In the kitchen I boiled the kettle and made myself a cup of tea, leaning back against the kitchen work surface and sipping on it, staring out of the window.

Somebody to talk to was what I longed for. At the studio I was happiest because I had the boys to natter away to...at home I didn't. Multiple times I've wanted to say something and then remembered there was nobody here apart from myself.

I can't even talk to myself anymore I'm that bored of it.

I chose an outfit of white trousers, a white T-shirt and a black and yellow striped jacket, with some white platforms to go out in tonight.

I shaved the stubble after contemplating about maybe growing a moustache but decided against that.

After showering and changing I headed back out to meet John and Roger.