Body Language. Queen

Mother Theresa.

Freddie's P.O.V.

His fighting and shouting instantly stopped and although his hands were still firmly pressing against my chest in a bid to push me off him, his eyes had connected with mine and all I could see in them were panic.

But he shook his head vigorously and started fighting me again soon after.
"No. Don't be stupid. Why would my parents stop me from doing anything? That's silly. No. You're wrong. Now let me out." He grumbled.

I finally removed my grip from his shoulders and remained standing
incredibly close to him.

If he was in denial, then so be it. But I couldn't just give up on him. I had more to give.

He shoved me hard so that my back banged against the door handle.

"Ouch! Fuck..." I winced, rubbing my back.

He stepped backwards in shock, "Shit. I'm sorry..." he whispered.

I stepped away from the door even though I was still blocking it, "When did you get so strong?" I smirked at him, it was no use in loosing my temper, it would only mess things up further.

He bashfully smiled.

"Deaky, darling. Don't lie to me."

"I'm not lying." He shuffled awkwardly.

"Really? Because do you want me to tell you what you said to me in the conversation we had?"

His vision shifted to mine, "What did I say?" Was there a hint of knowing in his voice?

"Well, about 3 years ago I told you lot I like men, did I not?"

He nodded.

"And you asked me what my parents thought. And when I said they didn't seem to mind you came back with 'wow, my parents would never stand for anything like that. They don't believe in that stuff', and you did say that to me. I don't know why, but it's stuck with me all these years."

There was silence as he refused to make eye contact with me, was I right? Of course I was. But I needed to hear it from him.

"So? Am I right?"

He was a stubborn little shit at times. He wasn't going to speak.

I pushed further.

"John. Are the reasons why you can't get intimate with Roger and why you can't tell him that you love him all because you're afraid of disappointing your parents just because they're homophobic?! Are you frightened that they'll abandon you? Banish you? Stop you from seeing Roger? Stop loving you?"

I pushed and pushed and could see his fists curling into balls and his breathing was getting deeper and angrier.

"Freddie. Stop."

I kept going, "Do you think they'll cut you out of their lives?"

"Shut up."

"Do you think they'll-!"

"Fucking shut up!" He yelled. Turning and kicked a bucket in rage.
"Yes. You're right. I can't get it out of my head. I know that they don't like the idea of two men being in a relationship with each other. Growing up they used to slander being gay and say disgusting things about it. They used to see news reports on telly about it, turn to me and say 'don't you ever grow up like that' and I just used to ignore them. So how the fuck am I supposed to commit myself to Roger when I know that if my parents ever found out they would abandon me. I know it. I know they would."

I stared at him in shock and felt a little choked up. I'd met Deaky's parents and they seemed lovely, but maybe if they knew I slept around with other men they would have treat me differently.

"That bad?" I whispered, cringing.

He nodded, silently.
"They're very traditional. A man and a woman are supposed to be attracted to each other, they're supposed to kiss and have sex, they're supposed to get married and have children. God forbid if two men ever did something like that...ever fell in love. So yes, you are right. It is the reason why I don't want to have sex with Roger because every time I think about it those words just echo in my head, I can't say that I love him...even though I do. I just can't. What the fuck would I do? I've often thought about just visiting my mum and dad with Roger and telling them face to face but I know fucking world war 3 would commence. How could I walk into that house and say 'Hello, Mum. Hey, Dad. This is Roger. He's my boyfriend, we're having sex and I love him.'"

While he was talking he stared into space at nothing, I could tell this was excruciating for him and it had been for a while. He was stuck in limbo. He loved and wanted Roger Taylor. But he also loved and didn't want to disappoint his parents.

I felt awful for him but I was glad that this had been brought to the surface, finally.

I was stuck. This was a position I'd thankfully hadn't been in. Yes, I had battled with myself for a long long time before finally letting myself admit that I liked men. But my parents were miraculously supportive of me and I cherished that.

Maybe if John did tell him parents the situation he thinks would go down might actually not be as bad as he thinks? Maybe to find out that their own son likes men may soften them a little bit and they'll tell him that they love him not matter what.

But there was also another part of me that felt so strongly about love that I just had to say it to him.
"John. Your parents have done so much for you. They brought you into this world and have created a fine man. All your life they have aided you to make the best decisions that they think would be the best for you, the decisions that they wanted you to make. They taught you everything you know and have told you what you can and can't do your whole life. Your parents are some of the most vital people and you have listened to them for as long as you have lived. Now, this is the only fucking time I'm going to tell you to not listen to your parents and do not give a shit about what they think. They have told you what to do forever but they can not tell you who you can and can't fall in love with. That is your choice. You are a grown man, they can't ban you from seeing him, they can't tell you that it's wrong and most of all they can't tell you that you're not allowed to love him. Because I'm sorry Mama and Papa Deacon, but your son likes dick."

His eyes had welled up and even though there was a small smile on his face, the tears trickled down his cheeks. He looked at me in awe and I was hoping that some of my words had made an impression on him and made him think differently.

Suddenly, he launched himself at me and hugged my insanely tightly. I hugged him back, "You're making me sound like fucking Mother Theresa." I joked.

He pulled back, "You're right. They can't stop me from falling in love with him. And they won't. Even if they don't react in a good way, I'm not going to give a fuck because Roger is mine and I want to be with him." He said, ever so determinedly.

I beamed at him, "That's the bloody spirit, Deaks!"

"I'm going to take Roger with me to visit them when we're home and get everything out in the open for good."

I hesitated, not knowing if that idea was going to be a good one, but if that's what he wanted to do, then he should.

"Shall we get out of this god awful cupboard?" I giggled.

"Yes please."

I opened the door, thankfully, nobody was around and we slipped out without getting noticed.

"Fred? Can we please keep this between us for now. I will tell, Roger. Just...I just want to do the parent thing first." He stammered.

First? Surely that's not going to go well. Roger not even knowing they're homophobic? They'll rip him to shreds.