Body Language. Queen

Wanting To Forget.

Johns P.O.V.

I watched as the oxygen left his body and the sparkle in his eye dulled...he stared at me blankly. Silently questioning why I would ever do that to him.

Whatever I told him, he wouldn't believe me, I had never wanted any of the boys to find out about my past with Patrick.

Roger most probably had the wrong end of the stick, he most likely thought I told Patrick that he wasn't my boyfriend so he'd think I was single...so we could see each other behind Rogers back.

But the single thought of doing that, or even seeing Patrick ever again made my stomach churn.

Roger would probably never understand that I denied our relationship to Patrick to protect him.

I could guarantee that if Patrick knew Rog was my boyfriend...he would make his life a misery.

But now Patrick knows...and Roger thinks I'm ashamed to have him as a boyfriend.

I was terrified for the both of us now. There was nothing stopping Patrick stalking us across America, threatening us. He would do that, I know that he would.

He wouldn't stop at anything to annihilate Roger and keep him away from me.

Which probably wouldn't be that difficult as Roger looked as if he didn't want to be near me at the moment.

I knew Patrick and his dirty moves, I knew he would snake his way into our business some way or another. It was just up to me to protect the both of us now.

"You don't understand..." I whispered, watching him as he was still stood staring at the ground.

If only I had the courage to tell him...but he didn't even know I had dated another man before. I know the situation right now looks bad but it would be nothing compared to how I'd feel telling Roger, or anyone, that I once went on a few dates with that man and he tried to lock me in his own house after accusing me of cheating on him when I hardly even knew the guy, we were never a thing. It was never real. But the terror Patrick caused me was very fucking real.

I already wanted to forget about it, forget tonight ever happened and forget he showed up again after all this time. I wanted those bad memories to be buried deep in the back of mind like they had been for all these years. But since he showed up uninvited, those memories had been dug up from their grave and were continuing to cause me mental turmoil just like they were back then.

Things had gone downhill rather rapidly tonight.

I wanted to go on as normal and love being in a relationship with my Roger. I wanted him to smile at me and tell me he loves me...but somehow...I feel like it's now going to be a while until that happens again.

Maybe I should phone the police. Tell them I am being stalked by a psycho who fails to leave me alone and threatens to exterminate everyone around me. Particularly my boyfriend.

But I had already dug myself into deep shit. Even if I did phone the police, I had physically told Patrick that I was not in a relationship with Roger and that was already something against my word. It made it look like I wanted to be with him over Roger.

"Come to bed..." I gave him a little smile as I threw back the duvet to make space for him.

But he didn't look at me, his face stone and his eyes pained, he floated about the room like a ghost, undressing and sliding his way into bed, I attempted to reach over to give him a kiss goodnight but he turned onto his side, his back to me and turned off the beside light...
I awoke the next morning to loud bangs on the hotel room door, waking me with a start and an instant panic as I looked over to see Roger not in the bed next to me.