Don't Go

Chapter Five

I woke up to the events of last night flooding back in my head.  He’s really leaving again.  I know it’s only two months compared to six, but still.  That’s two months too long.  I grabbed my phone from my bedside table, to check for any messages.  Just one from Brian saying he’ll be here soon.  I was going to the studio with the guys today, to spend as much time as possible with Brian, and of course the rest of the guys.  I stood from my bed, and walked to my dresser.  I pulled out a set of clothes, and slipped them on quickly.  I walked into the bathroom, fixing my hair, and pulling it into a loose ponytail that fell on my shoulder.  I slipped on my classic black converse, and made my way downstairs.  I told my mom I was too sick for school today, so she let me stay home.  I wasn’t lying completely.

                I ate a bowl of cereal, and just like clockwork, Brian was calling me letting me know he was outside.  I slipped outside, and locked the door behind me.  He was standing by the passenger door, already opened for me.  I smiled as I walked closer, “You’re opening doors now?”

He sucked in his bottom lip, “Only for my favorite people.” He smirked.

I got into the car, and he closed the door.  He got in seconds after closing my door, and pulled out of my driveway.  “So, how did you sleep?” I asked.

He glanced at me, raising an eyebrow before returning his gaze to the road.  “If you must know, I got a total of three hours of sleep.”

I sighed, “Why’s that?”

                “Too much on my mind.”

                “I know the feeling.” I mumbled.

It didn’t take long to get to the studio.  I got out of the car, and followed Brian inside.  We made it past different studio numbers, until we found Studio 380.  All the guys were here already, and greeted us as we came in.  Of course I got the biggest hug from Jimmy.  Matt was in the booth, so he just sent a wave in my direction.  I followed Brian to the good sized couch, and plopped down next to him.  On my other side was Lindsey and Jimmy was plopped next to her.  I’m pretty sure they are together, they just haven’t told anyone.  I turned to Brian to ask him a question.  “Don’t you ever feel out of place?”  I think I worded that wrong.

He turned to me, and by his expression, he didn’t know what I meant.  “What do you mean?”

                “Everyone has a girlfriend, and you don’t.  Doesn’t it bother you?”

He shook his head, turning away from me.  “Does it look like it bothers me?” he said a little defensively.

I rolled my eyes, “You sure act like it.” I mumbled.

                “I don’t want anyone I have to leave.  It’s hard enough leaving you, why would I double that?”

I gestured to all the girls, “She would go with you.” I snapped.  He sighed loudly, and stood from the couch.  He walked over to where his guitar was, and picked it up.  He sat in the chair, and started recording as he played.  He messed up countless times, and was getting frustrated with himself.  He sat the guitar down, and stormed out of the studio.

                Jimmy looked at me and pointed towards the door, “What’s his problem?”

I shrugged, shaking my head.  “I couldn’t tell you.”

                “I think it’s that time of month.” Matt chimed in, causing all the guys to laugh.  I don’t understand why Brian was acting like this, and why he got so defensive.  “I’ll go talk to him.” I mumbled, and stood up.  I walked out of the studio, and headed for the exit.  I found Brian on the side of the building, hunched over with his face in his hands.  “What the hell was that all about?” I yelled.

He looked up at me, “It doesn’t matter.  Go back inside, I’ll be there in a few minutes.” he said coldly.

                “What is your problem?  You would never talk to me like that.”

He lifted his whole body, and walked over to me.  “Just go inside.  I don’t want to see anyone right now.”

He pointed in the direction of the door.  He nearly growled the words at me.  It took everything in me, not to shove him away.  I felt a tear trickle down my cheek as he walked away from me, and went around the building.  I honestly didn’t want to go back in there.  I walked out of the studio property, and headed towards my house.

                On the way, I stopped by this small diner Brian and I used to go to. I wasn’t worried about getting home, or going back to the studio.  I was seated at a booth, in the back and was handed a menu.  She took my drink order, and came back within a few minutes with it.  I just ordered a hamburger and fries like I always did.  I haven’t been here in the six months Brian was gone.  I felt my pocket buzz, and I pulled it out.  I was getting text messages from everyone…except Brian.  Of course he wouldn’t care.  The attempt to get the rock star’s attention, failed me.  That’s all I want, is some attention from my best friend.  Is that too much to ask?  I’ve barely seen him since he’s been home.  I ask one little question, and he flips out on me.

After she brought me my food, I barely ate any of it.  It started storming out, so I wasn’t able to walk home yet.   I only ate a few of the fries, and took a couple of bites out of the burger.  Just the thought of Brian being mad at me, made me sick.  I pushed my plate away, and grabbed my drink.  I sipped on it quietly, and watched the rain pour outside.  I laughed at the people getting wet.  It wasn’t proper, but it was quite funny.  “There you are.” I heard someone whisper from behind me.  I turned around, and found Brian coming towards me…soaked.  My smile fell as he sat down across from me.  “What do you want?” I shot.

He looked up at me, and shivered a little.  “I came to apologize.  I’m sorry, Jenna.  I just…I don’t know what’s wrong with me anymore.”

I looked away from him, and looked out the window.  “I really don’t want to talk to you right now.  I would appreciate it if you would leave.”

A mark of pain struck his face.  “But I need you to understand something…”

I shrugged a shoulder and leaned over the table, “Understand what?  I really don’t need this from you right now.”

He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out.  “I need...my best friend.  I need you.  And the thought of you hating me, is something I can’t live with.”

I sighed, “I could never hate you, Brian.” I stood from my seat, and walked over to him.  I slid in next to him, and leaned my arm on the table.  I rested my head in my palm and face in in direction.  “I just don’t understand you.  You’ve changed so much these past few months.  You’re not the same anymore.  We aren’t as free with each other as we used to be.”  I bit my bottom lip nervously.

                “I don’t know what’s wrong.  I have these feelings…all the time.  I don’t know what they are.  They’re just there.  I can’t tell if their good or bad.  But I don’t want them.  They’re ruining so much for me.”

I scooted closer to him, “Feelings towards what?”

                “I’m not sure.” He said softly.  He was lying.

I wrapped an arm around his shoulders and rested my head on his shoulder.  “I forgive you for the second time this week.  Let’s not make a habit out of this.”

I felt him chuckle.  He placed a hand on my left cheek, and brought my right temple to his lips.  “I don’t know what I would do if I lost you.” He said, leaning his cheek on the top of my head.

                “I’m not going anywhere.” I assured him.