Cow Chop Imagines/Reader Inserts

For You To See Me Like This

Intern JoeXReader, T, approx 2100 words, trigger warning for detailed panic attack, mentions of anxiety, depression, and low-self worth. 

If any of these upset you, please tread carefully. I'd hate for my work to be triggering to someone, because I know how bad that can be. If you finish this and are upset/want to talk about anything, message me here or on tumblr at queen-of-the-castle-pieces.tumblr.com/ask I'm always here if anyone needs someone to talk to or even just a place to vent.

Synopsis: Reader is overwhelmed by the amount of work on their shoulders, and ends up having a panic attack. The last person they want to see them so upset ends up being the one to make it better. 

I hope you all enjoy this. I want to upload new pieces more frequently, so I'm going to try harder to keep them shorter, probably around this word range, maybe even shorter than this. If you have any suggestions or comments feel free to leave them. I'd love to fulfill any requests any of you may have :)

I pulled my knees to my chest, my breathing fast and erratic. My chest was burning as hot, salty tears ran down my cheeks. It felt like no amount of air was enough for my lungs, and my body was shaking. No one knew I was in here, and that was for the best. Not while I was breaking down. I was curled up in the bear room having a panic attack, and I couldn't seem to calm down even after almost twenty minutes of sitting in there.

This was my fault, I should have just kept my big mouth shut. If I had I wouldn't be in the position I was currently in.

I hadn't finished the script for the new animation, and Jordan had questioned what was taking so long. I tried to explain that I was having some trouble, but my disappointment in myself boiled over. I was in tears halfway through my attempt at verbalizing it, and Jordan quickly tried to pacify me. He insisted that I wasn't in trouble, that this was the first time I hadn't finished something on time, but I couldn't stop the bubble of panic.

Thoughts of being fired raced through my mind, I was going to be fired, then I'd lose all my subscribers that I had gained after appearing in videos. Then I wouldn't be able to support myself. Then I'd be alone because no one wants to be friends with a worthless loser like me. It was irrational, but it wouldn't be until much later that I accepted that.

For now, all I could feel was crushing anxiety and panic, and I did what I had gotten used to doing since I was in middle school. I ran. I rushed out of Jordan's office, insisting I'd finish the script today, that I was sorry, that I was fine. I wasn't fine. He called after me, but I didn't look back.

I had slammed into Intern Joe, who tried to grab my arm and stop me, but I pulled away and rushed around the corridor. I was ashamed of myself. All the work I had done on the script, which I was proud of, felt like nothing to me now. I just felt like a disappointment, like all the work I had done not only on the script but to get to where I was in life, it was all worthless.

I hadn't had a panic attack this bad in months. Things had been going so well, but the pressure of both my channel, my job, and the new social life I had, it all finally caught up to me, and now I was sitting alone, crying and shaking. No one in the office really knew that I struggled with panic attacks, let alone Depression. Now I was going to have to explain it to Jordan, and he was going to question why he ever bothered to hire me in the first place. I was a burden.

Those thoughts caused me sob slightly harder, and I slapped my hand against my mouth. "Calm down." I mumbled into my hand. "B-breathe." It was the tactic that my current therapist had told me about, and had been the best one to help me in these situations. To talk myself down from the panic out loud. "In..." I took a shuddering breath in, "Out..."