I like to complain, a lot. So much, in fact, that if I got a euro for every time I ranted about something, I'd have enough money to go on a cruise, at least twice a year. Salty is my middle name, so if your food is ever lacking that sodium chloride...
"Why are you always holed up in your room?"— Mother
The answer is quite simple, really.
I am a young, innocent flower bud which has only just begun to deposit its roots into the bedroom floor. I cannot leave, as I can only blossom in darkness, quench my thirst with the moisture in the air, and gain nourishment from weeks-old Cheetos maturing underneath my bed. It has taken years for me to adapt to this environment, to the radiation from my electronic devices, so mercilessly grabbing and tossing me out into the real world results in a catastrophe. Natural selection will come barrelling towards me—it knows that I am frail, that I cannot survive outside on my own for long, and that contact with the wrong things result in an agonisingly slow death.
Things like:
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On the streets, they are many.
On the streets, I am one.
But not unprepared.
These are the people you should watch out for, along with how to defend yourself against an imminent attack (Note: these solutions are meant to be fictional. Please don't go out into the real world and do these things. It will not end well for you or your peers. You have been warned.)
1. Those who don't even acknowledge your presence as you hold the door for them.
(See? You haven't even left the building and you've already had your first encounter. Be strong, and against better judgement, do not go back up to your apartment.)
You hold the door for someone, but all of a sudden, five strangers materialise after and attempt to walk through the gateway as well. To them, you are invisible, nothing more than a door-stopper. No amount of glaring, incredulous scoffing, and eye-rolling will earn you so much of a glance from these people, but don't fret! After a lot of research, scientists have discovered a behavioural pattern that will help you spot these ones a mile away: the lack of eye-contact. They will look anywhere but at you, feigning disinterest, or even worse, cluelessness.
Solution: As soon as they step across the doorway, release the door and watch, with a satisfied smile, as it socks them in the face. That will teach 'em.
2. Drivers that don't stop at a zebra crossing.
A zebra crossing is a type of pedestrian crossing composed of black and white stripes against the road, resembling the coat of a zebra. This gives the pedestrian the right of way. A vehicle, at the sight of a person/creature crossing on these magical white lines, should slow to the stop, and allow the person to make it to the other side. In one piece. It doesn't matter how fast you're going, or if you bought your license on eBay. Those are the rules, and they are not meant to be broken.
However, these rules are rarely followed here, because nobody gives a fuck. Which results in the pedestrian having to wait twenty hours for there to be no car in sight before they can safely cross the road.
