I like to complain, a lot. So much, in fact, that if I got a euro for every time I ranted about something, I'd have enough money to go on a cruise, at least twice a year. Salty is my middle name, so if your food is ever lacking that sodium chloride...
Why I don't want to live on this planet anymore reason #465:
Incest stories on Watt—
I haven't even finished the thought that the earth begins to rumble underneath my feet. I shriek at the suddenness of it, but, with arms flailing, I swivel towards the cause of these tremors. It's coming from somewhere beyond the horizon—I shield my eyes from the glaring sun, and just as I do so, shimmering globs begin to sprout in a massive line, one by one, as if on cue.
What the fuck? It's hard to maintain my balance, and I stumble back and forth. A shaky look around tells me that I'm on some kind of desert-like plateau, when I swear that, only moments ago, I was about to enter a fastfood place. What the fuck is happening? I think again, until realisation hits me like a freight train.
I must've summoned the...inbreds!
At this point, my heart is hammering against my ribcage—what do I do, turn and run, or stand like a potato? I can't tear my eyes away from the incoming mob, and my mouth dries out faster than a pair of panties under the midday sun. I lick my lips to try and restore some moisture to them, but my tongue is like sandpaper. I'm sweating bullets, my clothes are drenched, and I just remembered that I'm practically in the middle of nowhere. Fucking mint. I'm gonna get trampled by a bunch of hillbillies.
The silhouettes become morph into human beings, and I buckle over with a dry heave. They all look...the same...similar features, similar clothes...they're like clones, but at the same time, they're not clones...they're just...
...the inbreds...
"What is wrong with you people??" I scream, after another brief convulsion (good thing I didn't get lunch after all, that would've been a waste of money), pointing with an accusatory finger at the incoming wave of brother-husbands and sister-wives, "You need some spiritual cleansing! You need to find your inner fucking qi to restore your brain's oxygen supply! You need to direct yourself to the nearest Buddist Monastery and meditate on your life choices!!! Inbreeding is wrong! You're all going to die from disease! "
Like mindless zombies, the mass just keeps approaching, and as they do so, I see that it's too late for them. The disease has already struck—the dramatic wart break-outs, the bald spots, the rotting teeth...
It can't be! Inbred anti-vaxxers!
"Who in the name of all that is pure and innocent looks at their brother/sister and thinks, 'I'd tap that!'" I yell as I rummage through my purse. Ranting is the only thing that's keeping the adrenaline pumping through my veins. My hands shake as I pull out useless object after useless objects, until finally, I pull out my rosary beads. "Who in the name of all that is pure and innocent wishes to read a book in which a love story blossoms between blood relatives?!" I wrap the beads around my knuckles and punch the air—the cross catches the divine light. "Go back from whence you came!"
Boom.
-:-
Take a look at the pic below:
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
