Salty Rants

The Devil's Waterfall

(Warning: This rant contains explicit talks/images of uteri, blood, and my unfiltered woes of being a woman.)

I literally just found out (yesterday) that on this day, May 28, it's Menstrual Hygiene Day (MHD or MH Day)! It raises awareness about the struggles women and girls around the world face because of their periods, as well as bringing attention to solutions that address these issues. 

You learn something new everyday, right?

Anyway, in honour of Devil's Waterfall day, I decided to post a rant about periods, because, you know, it's customary to complain for 2920320 years every time Aunty Flow comes knocking on your door. 

First of all, I hate periods. Actually, hate cannot even begin to describe how much I absolutely despise the parting of the Red Sea. *looks up synonyms of the word 'hate'* Mhm, yes. Loathing, hostility, repugnance, aversion, execration, anathema, abhorrence, pain, rancor, resentment—when a woman is on her period, she practically fluctuates between those emotions.

Once a month, I transform into the bête noire, the black beast. Unfortunately, this doesn't happen regularly, but I know that I'm about to change once I start experiencing the symptons. Stomach cramps, bloating, uncontrollable cravings, headaches, an insatiable bloodlust...it's no joking matter. For the better part of the week, the uterus takes over—if you don't pay the fee of one baby per year, Uterus won't be very happy about it. You'll have to compensate with a monthly supply of fresh blood until you do decide to give it a baby. It's like suscribing to an online newsletter and then having your inbox flooded with unsolicited junk mail. Exact same thing. 

Periods are fucking stupid. 

Despite the struggle we have to go through, we still have some smartass men say, "Oh c'mon, it can't be that bad! We have it worse because we have to put up with you!" 

*grabs collar and flings you into the air* 

*uses my powerful thunder-thighs to jump after you, enveloped in flames of fury* 

*channels the divine power into a roundhouse kick that catapults you into oblivion*

*floats back down to Earth, pulls out a chocolate bar, and takes a bite*

Not only is that VERY inconsiderate and disrespectful, but it's also downright idiotic, because menstruation is a natural (oftentimes excruciatingly painful) process which we have no control over. 

To gain even a semblance of control, we have to invest in hormonal pills/shots/whatever, a luxury which unfortunately not every woman can afford. HELL, in developing countries, namely the rural areas, women don't even have access to pads or tampons. They have to use rags to control the flow. 

You know what a rag is? A piece of cloth. Imagine being forced to wear that the whole day (because the only time you can change it is after you wash it in a nearby river) and being constantly at risk of contracting a vaginal infection. Morever, not only are these girls/women lacking proper hygenic products, they are also stigmatised by cultural attitudes regarding menstruation.

In fact, in these areas, menstruating women/girls are often excluded from taking part in certain religious or even simple everday activities, because they are considered to be 'impure'. It doesn't end there—they themselves feel embarassed or even ashamed for menstruating, even though, again THEY HAVE NO CONTROL OVER IT. 

Think you're safe from ignorance even in the developed world? Think again:

Them:"You're acting crazy. Are you on your period?"

Them: "Ewwwwww! Get away from me, that's disgusting!"

Them: "A clean pad! Quick, pass me the holy water eyedrops!"

Me:

Seriously, grow the fuck up. There are those idiots that even go as far as comparing condoms to pads. They serve two COMPLETELY different purposes. The first one prevents disgusting scum like you from reproducing, while the second one prevents a woman from walking around with a red patch on her backside. Don't even fucking try me. 

Ask any woman, be it your mom, sister, neighbour, grandma: if you could choose between having and not having your period, what would you do?

I can guarantee you that every single one of them will go for option two for a myriad of reasons.

You have this torrent of coagulated blood flowing between your legs and unless you want your pants looking like a battlefield, you have to clog up the fault with a tampon or soften the impact with the type of maxi pad pregnant women use. Wearing tight clothing is a big NO, because not only does that shit feel uncomfortable as hell, but you live in the constant fear that someone can see the outline of your pad through the thin fabric of your skinny jeans. So you vouch to dress like a hobo for about a week. 

Forget doing any type of physical movement. Just by sitting and standing can you feel that pad attach and detach from your vag. Sneezing, coughing, laughing—whoosh, whoosh, whoosh. *children cry in the distance* You can't swim, because even though your period temporarily stops the moment you enter the water, it starts again when you get back out. The pain varies for each individual. For someone, getting your period is no biggie, for others, it means being bedbound, fainting, hospital visits, sobbing...some women may not get their periods for six months, but when they do, it lasts for weeks. Unsatiable cravings, mood swings, pimples. The list goes on.

So with all due respect, if you don't have a uterus, don't open your mouth.

Unless it's to offer me a substantial helping of that yummy-looking piece of chocolate cake you got over there, then go for it. I don't bite.  

🍟🍟🍟

Is there something that you're itching to complain about, but have the good sense not to do so on a public forum? I can do it for you! Feel free to PM me with the topic you want me to rant about, and I won't think twice before adding it here. I'll be waiting!