Mateless or Not I

Chapter 24 || Messed Up

❝ Hypophrenia: A feeling of sadness seemingly without a cause❞

Chapter 24: Messed Up

What's happening, I can feel the sparks pulling awake. They are slowly disappearing, my eyes brows furrow as I don't feel any sparks even though my hands are in his. Looking my up, I gaze at Lucas eyes which instead of looking at mines it looks right pass me. My heart drops miles way down, it starts to pound, as I hear him growl lowly in delight. My hands still in his, I turn my head and look behind me and there stood a girl about my height, her hair platinum blond, her eyes bluer than ever with freckles trailing on the top of the bridge of her nose. My eyes snap to my hand as I see him pulling away, there are no more tingles left. It is all gone, as if we aren't even meant to be. I watch him leave me, and walk up to her, my eyes shut as I fall on my knees water trailing down my cheeks.

How is this possible? It doesn't make sense, my tears forcefully rush down as I can feel my soul empty. As if I am missing a part of me, I know its Lucas. We both have had attraction towards each other.

I bury my face in my hands, and whimper quietly. Why? I thought I am going to happy again but now what is this! I don't get it, it doesn't make any sense?!

Anger rises inside of, I remove my hands from my face and grip on the grass pulling them off. "I needed him" I mutter to myself quietly. I rub my eyes and get up, again my whole body tears up as I see her with him, and doing something I thought we would do one day.

He is kissing her like he is meant to be with her! But he is mines! He has to be mines, I mean how can this be when even Hunter thought, when he thought I guess, I mean I also knew!

"Roe?" I hear someone familiar. I turn around, and run towards Victoria who is looking all better. I engulf in a forever hug and sob on her shoulder not wanting to let go. It is just so I m p o s s i b l e ! I can feel her rubbing my back but that just causes me to cry even more.

"I can't believe it" I sniffle, trying stop my tears.

"I hate my life" I cough and cry, I hate it, I just hate it!

Victoria breaks the hug and wipes away my tears looking at me with concern. "What happened?" she asks. Without answering, I snakingly point towards Lucas and the girl, I shut my eyes in distraught as tears still forcefully come out. I can hear Victoria gasps in disbelieve.

"I don't get it isn't he supposed to be –

"Roe! Roe!" I hear mom calling out.

"I need to go..." I mumble, I really want to be wolf, I really wanted a mate. I really hoped to live a new happy life. But that is never in my destiny.

---

Once the funeral was over, I met with Amanda and she was also shocked about her brother. I shook away my feeling trying to convince myself that all those sparks that were playing with my body was in the end just my brain messing up with me, or I just found him attractive.

I am at home, grabbing a piece of paper and just drawing alone in my room. Earl is gone away to her mates place, I want time to myself. Mom is gone to the mall buying me new things and deciding I should continue my studies and live a normal life. Honestly right now I feel like a human but with good senses, the fact that I am not able to shift really torments me.

You know what! I should move out of this place, maybe travel to different countries like the U.S. or others! That would be awesome, maybe I can start studies over there and stuff, I don't want to be stuck here in a suffocated situation.

My thoughts interrupt by a door creek open. My eyes snap at the door, and there I see mom walk in. Her face is pale as mine, and her eyes are bagged, poor her. She sits in front of me placing a hand on my knee.

"Are you alright Roe, dinner is almost ready okay. Make sure you come down" she starts to rub smooth circles on my knee, smiling softly. I smile a bit but it fades away in frustration.

"You want coffee? Remember how that would clear your mind away" she cheers. My mouth parts, as I sigh inwards. I completely forgot about coffee, I nod my head suddenly my mouth craving for some hot delicious caffeine. She gets up and leaves.

I let out a breath and stare outside, my eyes catch a plane zooming across the sky. Yes I really do want to go out for a while, from this destruction. I get off my bed, stretching my arms out releasing all my stiffness away. I make my way out of my room and downstairs where is smell delicious food cooking, my mouth suddenly goes watery as the smell of Chinese food hits me. Mhhmm, I love Chinese so much. I walk into the kitchen, as mom places plates on the table.

"Oh you are here dear, I was just about to call you mom" mom says.

"Well it smells so good, my stomach is growling" I laugh. Mom rubs my back and makes me sit on our dining table. It isn't as long in length as how it used to be, but still it is good.

I grab the spoon and dig in my mouth meeting with delicious Chinese hot rice, with spicy sauce over it. Mhhmm Soooo good! I hum in delight. Taking another bite I just sigh and don't realize that my plate is almost finished. Hehe, my bad. After eating, I lean against the chair placing my hand on my stomach. Well that was good.

"Wow that fast" mom says, she looks amused and surprised, I nod my head feeling my cheeks burn in slight embarrassment.

"Hey can I go out for a stroll?" I ask her, she agrees and I get up and make my way out to the door. I know this neighbourhood pretty well, it is safe here. I put on some flats and a light coat, opening the door I say good bye to mom and step outside. Aah, I sigh feeling a cool breeze softly hit me making me feel relaxed.

I walk myself out of the neighbour not even realizing it, all I can think of is about LUCAS I just – I don't know why I can't stop but I don't think I can stop loving him. Unless I forgot who I am, I forget everything, I forget what ever happened to me. You know I just wish I forgot every single thing in my life and started new.

My body stiffs as I realize that I just walked a good mile, and I am now standing in front of my old house, flashback and shiver cross thorough me making my body shiver. How did I get here so quickly? I have this urge to go inside, and listening to my stupid self I do go inside. I walk shivering up to my old front door house, wondering if anyone lives here I grab the handle and twist it open.

To my surprise it isn't locked, which is quiet strange. I enter my house, and flashback play right in front of me like a huge screen Tv. Shutting my eyes I take a deep breath and walk around.

Why the hell am I here? Why would I dare step in this disgusting house, where I was being practically killed? What is happening to you rosella.

Suddenly I hear an alarm noise coming from Upstairs. It continually beeps after every second. I curiously, make my way upstairs, following the sound which was actually coming out of his room.

I enter his room, causing me to shiver as cold dead air hugs my body, suddenly a flas of blue sheer screen appears write infront of me. There I see Abaddon, it looks like this is filmed the night before the attack.

'Rosella, I knew you were coming. I knew you would come back to the house, you would it's just you, you would miss me I knew it' (laughs) you might be wondering how I got this to you, well I am a ghost, I am alive up in afterword, and it was my duty to finish this and give it to you... firstly you betrayed me! I thought, I thought we could be together! You made me FALL FOR YOU! But you left me, I f***kin Hate you, just know that. I wish I was there on earth to rip you apart! I wish I found out earlier, but thank god, I had cast a curse long before for you... that you will... forever... and will always be MATELESS! (Laughs evilly)'

His last words rung in ears, making me flinch as the blue screen disappeared. "NOO" I let a loud piercing scream, my knees fall weak and I fall to the floor crying my heart out. "why! Whyyy!" I scream, banging my fist onto ground, tears fall, I hate him, I want to – I just – I HATE HIM!